Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting. We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!
Penny Stirling wrote about aromanticism in fiction.
Georgia asks, “How many asexuals are there?”
The Body Is Not An Apology has an article about being at the intersection of asexual and queer.
Sennkestra takes a look at Addyi’s new advertising campaign.
Sara is doing one last month of ace fiction reviews.
Coyote wrote about visibility.
Calls for Participants/Submissions
The Queer Center at Antioch College is looking for someone to give a session on asexuality for their month of sex.
The February 2017 Carnival of Aces shone a spotlight on “Resistance, Activism, & Self-Care.” Here are the entries we received:
This (slightly late) post is for the February 2017 Carnival of Aces on Resistance, Activism, and Self-Care. Cross-posted to Prismatic Entanglements.
Content warnings: familial rejection, trauma, emotional abuse, anti-PTSD ableism and victim-blaming, bad therapists and lack of access to therapy, anti-atheist microaggressions, mentions of death Continue reading
Posted in activism, Articles, Intersectionality, personal experience
Tagged abuse, activism, asexuality and mental health, atheism, burnout, family, mental health, microaggressions, ptsd, resistance, self-care, therapy, victim-blaming
This post was written for the February 2017 Carnival of Aces on Resistance, Activism, and Self-Care.
My undergraduate Environmental Politics class was many years ago, but I still vividly remember my Teaching Assistant saying you need to read the newspaper to be political. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t get the mark I wanted. We started every tutorial with the news. While my peers proudly rattled off facts about another new disaster for participation marks I did my best to zone out and ignore everyone. I would have left the room if I wasn’t afraid of losing those participation marks. Six years ago I didn’t know much about my triggers or trauma: I just knew reading the newspaper or accidentally looking at the television when I went to the dentist’s office sent me into an emotional tailspin. For years I carried around an internal monologue that I was not political because I couldn’t keep up with what was going on. I was uninformed. I was ignorant. I was part of the problem. In today’s political climate the shame and frustration of six years ago comes back to me with renewed vigor when I purposely avoid glancing at the news televisions in the gym, but I have also learned a lot since then.
What is the best reaction you’ve had to coming out as ace? How would you want someone to react?
I don’t have any great coming out stories myself but I’d like to think someone out there has a story where they felt understood and supported when they shared who they are. In the past I’ve disclosed to potential dates that I’m not going to feel sexually attracted to them and it’ll take a while to figure out if I even like them. That’s just my normal. Everyone I’ve said this to has accepted my asexuality with polite confusion or pleasant disinterest (my asexuality didn’t impact their thoughts of me), which are all relatively good responses I think. My asexuality is respected as important but not a huge deal.
This post was written for the February 2017 Carnival of Aces on the topic of Resistance, Activism, and Self-Care.
Content warnings: discussion of anti-ace hostility and familial rejection, mention of sexual violence
It’s hard for me to pinpoint the moment when ace blogging stopped being fun and started being anxiety-inducing. By the time I was writing my Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices series, anxiety had me checking and double-checking and triple-checking and obsessing over every single word–I’m proud of the end product, but getting to that product required way more energy than it should have. But even before that, I think I was already starting to burn out.
It’s not hard to point at particular factors that led to burnout. There’s the fact that I’m a healer in a community full of people who would prefer to DPS, that I’m trying to heal while being hit with friendly fire pretty constantly. There are the waves of hostility/“ace discourse” (are aces queer, are aces oppressed, are aces invading LGBT spaces, are aces harming real LGBT people, etc.), which, while I’ve seen it all before, does wear on you, especially if your experiences are constantly being leveraged as “proof” of one thing or another. There are the stresses of school–I passed my qualifying examinations last year, which ate up pretty much all of my time for 9 months and then left me wiped out. Then the election happened in November, and I had to do crisis control in my immediate social circle (mostly successful) and try to shore up my already crappy mental health (less successful). Obviously I was going to burn out–it’s only impressive that it took this long.
Sara K. blogs at The Notes Which Do Not Fit, and has written a number of book reviews of asexual fiction. She is continuing the ace tropes series, albeit with more of a focus on books.
“It was embarrassing,” Xander said, averting his eyes. “I thought I was stronger than I was. But when it came down to it, I needed more than he could offer. So I told him this. And you know what he told me? He told me it was fine for me to go and fuck other people. As long as there were no feelings involved, it was fine. As long as I came back to him, it was fine. It wasn’t fine, though. Because even though he doesn’t want a sexual relationship, he’s just like everyone else. He got jealous. I got mad. He got mad. We broke up. We didn’t speak to each other for almost two months. But he was my friend first, so I made sure I got that back.”
“I don’t know what that has to do with me,” Gus said when it looked like Xander had finished. “I’m not you.”
“No shit,” Xander snorted. “You are the furthest thing from me there is.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem,” Xander said, “is that eventually, you’re going to want to fuck. He can’t give that to you, and so you’ll look elsewhere. And it will crush him.”
How to Be a Normal Person by T.J. Klune, Chapter 17 Continue reading