Have you ever used an online dating site? Why or why not?
I’ve used OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Veggie Date, and a few other online dating websites with varying levels of success. OkCupid seems the most ace friendly to me (you can choose asexuality as a sexual orientation and there are many ace-relevant questions you can answer to find a match). After dipping my toes in I tried the others to simply see more people, mixing it up between labeling myself as heterosexual, bisexual, and not applicable. There are certainly problems with online dating but I love the up front information it provides about a date. Not so closet racist? Needs to have sex before date six? Wants to go hunting? If I can’t go from friends to partner with someone I already know I can handle learning about them online.
The ace flag, along with its purple/white/gray/black color scheme, has been the most successful ace symbol in all of history. This is worth celebrating! Unfortunately there are no longer many people around who remember how we got the flag in the first place. As someone who was there when the flag was chosen in 2010, I’d like to pass down the story. Continue reading
What would you like to see aces in relationships talk about?
I’ve read a few comments saying ‘we see ace people talk about what kind of relationships they would LIKE to have, but not a lot talking about what kind of relationships they HAVE’
I am curious about how aces in relationships met their partners, and if they feel their aceness makes their relationships different to allohet relationships.
Are there things you would like to see aces in relationships talk about more? And are these idle curiosities or do you want to see us do some guest posts or qotw about this?
Kathryn Ormsbee is an American based demisexual author of both middle grade and young adult novels. Her latest novel “Tash hearts Tolstoy” features a demiromantic asexual protagonist whose identity and relationships play a prominent role in the novel. Kathryn was kind enough to answer some questions for us via email.
What inspired you to write this novel?
My friend Destiny Soria and I co-created a Shakespearean web series in 2013. It was an equally wonderful and stressful experience that was first inspired by The Lizzie Bennet Diaries. We created our project during a big boom of LIWs (literary-inspired web series), and I love so much about the LIW culture and fan-base. In the fall of 2015, Destiny and I re-watched Shakes (our web series) and reminisced over the filmmaking process. That’s what first inspired me to capture that experience in a book. I began to outline and write Tash that very night. Continue reading
Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting. We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!
Ace Community Activity
AVENues has released its spring 2018 issue.
News & Outreach
The Verge ran an article on online dating for aces.
Calls for Participants/Submissions
The Rotten Zucchinis zine is looking for submissions about abuse or violence in queerplatonic and other “non-normative” relationships.
How often do you hear or see people talk about asexuality in your every day life?
Offline asexuality rarely comes up unless I bring it up. Online in gaming communities, online dating discussion forums, vegan forums, and wherever else I am I will see people talk about asexuality once a month or so. It’s a welcome change but they often misrepresent asexuality; this week I saw someone write everyone would be a little bit bisexual if there wasn’t social conditioning, including ace people. My interactions are typically limited to correct or ignore. Hopefully with asexuality becoming more of a common topic people will also learn more about it.
From the very beginning, ace communities have created their own words to describe and talk about our experiences. In some cases, we take previously existing words, and use them in a way that effectively redefines them. This can occasionally lead to confusion, as people who encounter ace language for the first time might misinterpret some of our words. Conversely, aces who have only encountered the words in ace contexts are confused when they find people outside the ace community using those words in a different way.
This is a short list of words that are used both inside and outside ace communities, with different meanings. For purposes of this post, I will take a neutral and descriptive stance, without assuming that ace community meanings are superior or inferior. But this does not mean that I take a neutral stance in general, nor do I think readers should take a neutral stance.
In ace communities, “platonic” is one of several categories of relationships–other commonly known categories are “sexual” and “romantic”. A platonic relationship is a deep connection that does not have a sexual or romantic element. We also often speak of “platonic attraction” which is some internal feeling that leads people to want or seek platonic relationships.