Category Archives: Sexual normativity

Taking a Step Back: why not moving forwards doesn’t mean a relationship is failing

Wider society loves talking about relationships. It loves its tormented advice columns, its features on how to catch the person of your dreams and keep them too, its endless commentary on just how crucial partnered relationships are to your wellbeing … Continue reading

Posted in Relationships, Sexual normativity | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Mapping the grey area of sexual experience: consent, compulsory sexuality, and sex normativity

Content warnings: Discussion of dubious consent and coercion, compulsory sexuality, sex normativity, mentions of sexual violence; if you think this needs other warnings, feel free to tell me and I’ll be happy to add them. A few months ago resourcesforacesurvivors … Continue reading

Posted in asexual politics, Sexual normativity | 26 Comments


I’ve always thought that “frigid” is one of the uglier misogynistic slurs that can be used against a woman. It’s also one that could particularly be used against me, given my sex-aversion, lack of sex drive, and overall complete lack … Continue reading

Posted in Sexual normativity | 8 Comments

Not everybody wants to do it

This post was written for the July Carnival of Aces; this month’s topic is “Sex-Aversion & Sex-Repulsion.” Content warnings: mentions of sexual violence and gender dysphoria, but no specifics When I wrote about the treatment of sex-averse and sex-repulsed aces … Continue reading

Posted in asexual politics, Community, Sexual normativity | 9 Comments

When the answer is always no: Sex aversion and my sex-negative feminism

This post is for the July Carnival of Aces. Content warning: Mentions of rape. I can’t pull all the threads apart, and I don’t claim to be able to. Which came first, the ex-chicken or the scrambled egg? What I … Continue reading

Posted in personal experience, Sexual normativity | Tagged | 9 Comments

I am not your dirty secret

Content warnings: mentions of sexual violence, but no specifics Fellow aces, we need to have a discussion about how we treat sex-averse and sex-repulsed aces.  Sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces are by no means a minority in the community–according to the AAW census, … Continue reading

Posted in asexual politics, Community, Sexual normativity | 55 Comments

Sex-Normativity in Islamic Discourse and the Queerness of Asexuality

In my Tumblr post, Islam, Patriarchy, and the Recalcitrant Asexual Wife, I analyzed orthodox Islamic discourses on marriage and how they may impact asexual Muslims who are seeking to get married but who do not wish to or who are … Continue reading

Posted in Intersectionality, Sexual normativity | Tagged | 6 Comments

The importance of visibility

(Note: This is an expanded re-post from textualtidepool) Well it’s funny to think about, you’ve got the gays marching for the right to be cocksucking homosexuals, and then you have the asexuals marching for the right to not do anything. … Continue reading

Posted in Misconceptions, Sexual normativity | 5 Comments

(Un)detachable Sexualities: A Hypothesis

In Queenie’s last post on why asexual people aren’t just like everyone else, minus the sexual attraction, one of the points she made was that it suggests that our sexualities are detachable parts of our identities. Queenie writes: I cannot … Continue reading

Posted in asexual identity, Modeling, Sexual normativity | 16 Comments

Asexuality, “legitimate” relationships, and the potential for queerness

Let me start, as I so often do, with a story: One of my friends (let’s call her N.) had dated boys in high school, but in her sophomore year of college, she developed a crush on one of her … Continue reading

Posted in Intersectionality, LGBT, Misconceptions, personal experience, Relationships, Sexual normativity | 11 Comments