Category Archives: Modeling

We’re Bad at Understanding Behavior Based on What We’ve Never Experienced

Posted on January 31, 2020 by

This is for the January 2020 Carnival of Aces: “Conscious and Unconscious Difference” In articles describing people’s personal journeys towards identifying as ace, a common theme is ‘I thought other people around me were having sex mainly because of peer … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, Carnival of Aces, Modeling | 3 Comments

When unimportant relationships are important

Posted on May 20, 2019 by

Recently, I wrote about my experience not forming close friendships. That’s not strictly speaking true–sometimes I do form some close friendships, but I tend to be uncommitted to them, and I often value friend networks over individual friendships. Now I’d … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, Modeling, Relationships | 1 Comment

Terrible graphs of orientation

Posted on April 30, 2019 by

It used to be one of distinctive features of ace communities, that we really liked drawing graphs. Oh so many graphs, more than I can include. The graphs were painful, and we liked the pain. It’s fallen out of fashion … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, History, Modeling | 27 Comments

Splitting the Split Attraction Model

Posted on April 2, 2019 by

The Split Attraction Model (SAM) is a model that says that people’s attractions/orientations can be split into multiple components, such as “sexual”, “romantic”, “platonic”, “sensual”, and so on.  Everyone agrees that the SAM model has issues and is not inclusive … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, asexual politics, Modeling, romantic orientation | 4 Comments

To build an unimaginable future (or, Queenie is way too jazzed about queer futurity)

Posted on April 30, 2018 by

This post was written for the April 2018 Carnival of Aces on “All the birds but us…”  In typical Queenie fashion, I’m getting this in at the last possible second, but if you can type at supersonic speeds, consider writing a … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, LGBT, Modeling, personal experience | 19 Comments

Asexuality and the Relationship Escalator

Posted on January 31, 2016 by

Written for the January 2016 Carnival of Aces, on the theme of ‘relationship stages.’ One of the concepts that I often use or reference when writing about asexuality and relationships is the relationship escalator. It’s a concept that I’ve mainly … Continue reading →

Posted in aromanticism, Articles, Modeling, Relationships, romantic orientation, Sexual normativity | Tagged , | 8 Comments

The Five Factor Model of Relationships

Posted on May 30, 2015 by

This post was written for the May 2015 Carnival of Aces, which is on the topic of Identity, Labels, and Models.  I think I went in a bit of a different direction than most of the other submissions, but hopefully … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, Modeling, Relationships | 32 Comments

Ace label culture

Posted on April 13, 2015 by

When people talk about Tumblr Social Justice Warriors (SJWs), a significant fraction of what they’re talking about is the ace community. You may not think of yourself as an SJW, but you are, whether you are or not. It doesn’t … Continue reading →

Posted in Articles, asexual identity, Language, Modeling | 26 Comments

(Un)detachable Sexualities: A Hypothesis

Posted on April 12, 2014 by

In Queenie’s last post on why asexual people aren’t just like everyone else, minus the sexual attraction, one of the points she made was that it suggests that our sexualities are detachable parts of our identities. Queenie writes: I cannot … Continue reading →

Posted in asexual identity, Modeling, Sexual normativity | 16 Comments

A jaded look at sexual attraction

Posted on March 17, 2014 by

When I first discovered asexuality, I spent a lot of time worrying about what exactly “sexual attraction” is, and whether it was something I felt. Now I’m an ancient and cranky old man (in internet years), and I practically scoff … Continue reading →

Posted in Modeling | 21 Comments