Do you identify as disabled or neurodiverse and how does this interact with your asexuality?
I was at a queer women’s disability conference recently and to the surprise of no-one asexuality was not discussed very much. The first time it came up was around how many disabled people have to fight hard not to be read as asexual. This made me curious about if disabled people that *were* ace had conflicted feelings about being read that way.
The other time it was up was an autistic bisexual women mentioned that there is a high correlation between autistic people and asexual people, and this is the only time I heard asexuality mentioned in a positive and inclusive light.
Do you have experience with overlaps in any of these spaces, either personally or in conversations you’ve observed?
Content notes: discussion of bad coming out experiences including being outed and harassment
1. The first time someone comes out to me, I’m 16. We’re talking about…I honestly don’t remember. He says, “I think I might be bisexual,” and I have a moment of pure elation followed by one of pure panic. I’m not alone. But also unless I say something he’ll think he’s alone. I don’t want to say anything, because I’ve never told anyone before.
In the end, my desire to be a good friend wins out. “I think I might be bisexual too,” I say.
(I’m not, but I don’t know that yet.)
Do you spend time in ace 101 spaces? Why or why not?
When I was figuring out my asexuality I spent some time in ace 101 spaces because I simply didn’t know what being ace meant, but they quickly became frustrating. I found it difficult to have critical discussions about asexuality that were central to my identity. It felt like everything was being repeated over and over again. I only started to feel at home in the ace community when I found 201 spaces and yet I feel at odds and maybe almost guilty because I also believe ace 101 spaces are vitally important for our community. Every now and then I wander back into 101 spaces with the intention of helping new aces understand their sexual orientation, but I do it less and less.
Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting. We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!
E.H. Mann is doing a series of blog posts about their experience being in a mixed allosexual/asexual relationship.
Ace Admiral wrote about the power and the pitfalls of visibility.
The Asexual issue on asexuality and pride is out.
Anagnori is reviewing sex therapy books from an aro-ace perspective.
News & Outreach
them. published an article exploring the depiction of asexuality in BoJack Horseman.
What even is sexual attraction anyway?
I mentioned in my last question that I like the definition of Asexuality as not experiencing sexual attraction in the absence of other sexual stimuli and how I like this because it’s less confusing for sex favourable aces who might still want to have sex, but don’t feel attraction.
The idea of being able to explain something you don’t experience, or have others explain it to you, is really weird, but often a necessary part of the journey to identifying as asexual.
Are there any descriptions or metaphors for sexual attraction or desire that have really resonated for you, and made you go ‘yup, that is a thing i don’t experience’
The Carnival of Aces for September has been posted on Ace Film Reviews. The theme was “Asexuality Before AVEN“. Please take a look!
The next Carnival of Aces is being hosted by Sketches. The theme for October is “Asexuality and Poetry”. Get your submissions in before the end of the month!
Note that the Carnival of Aces is hosted by volunteers. If you would like to volunteer, please see the masterpost for instructions. At the moment, we do not have any volunteers.
Do you have ace friends? Do you want more?
I used to have offline ace friends but recently noticed that I don’t anymore. We drifted apart for typical reasons and lost touch. Very little of our conversations were about asexuality. In retrospect it feels like a lost opportunity. Right now I only talk to aces online. I don’t notice it much because I have several queer friends and they are always up to talk about the many ways people experience sexuality (or don’t). One of my straight guy friends is an amazing listener and always up for hearing about how much I am repulsed by my dates. He finds it humorous and I find his interest strangely endearing. Even if I shared because I was frustrated I always leave our chats feeling like that’s just who I am and it’s okay. It would be nice though to have someone to talk to about an asexual experience and they respond, I get it.