Question of the Week: October 17th, 2017

What do you think about the #metoo campaign on Facebook?

For those that aren’t aware, there is a current Facebook meme about posting the words #metoo as your status to create awareness of how prevalent sexual assault is in our community.

It’s interesting though because it’s also generated a lot of other commentary, especially around how not everyone has the luxury to disclose, how it’s still putting the work of fixing the problem on the victims, and about how men should be doing more work to own up to their mistakes and help address the poor behaviour of other men.  (I know perpetrators aren’t always men, it’s just that that is usually the way these conversations happen)

I wasn’t a fan at first, because usually these kind of ‘post to raise awareness’ campaigns don’t involve any actual actions for change, but this one did actually surprise me with the number of people that were participating, and disclosing that things had happened to them.  I also really like the focus on encouraging people to think about times when their actions might have crossed someone’s boundaries.

What are your thoughts on this?  Has it brought up any feelings or reactions for you?

 

 

Ace Tropes: Cis-ace & Trans-allo Duo

This is part of a series on tropes in fiction with ace characters. To link or follow this series, please use the “ace tropes” tag on this blog.

Cisclaimer: this post was written by a cis person.

[Note: Co-Co and the narrator are in the same poly triad] Co-Co blew us both kisses. “Lovelies, hello. I’m Co-Co. Technically I graduated and am now getting my master’s degree. But my boys said I should come, and so here I am.” They crossed one leg over the other and bounced their ankle a bit. “I’m gender fluid, gay, poly, and I’m twenty-two. You have questions on any of that, you just let me know.”

If I thought people looked confused by me being asexual, they were really lost after Co-Co finished talking.

– Crush by Caitlin Ricci, Chapter 16

This trope is basically putting a cis ace and a trans allo together in some kind of close relationship. In the strictest definition of this trope, the cis ace and the trans allo are ‘shipped’ with each other into some kind of pairing. In the looser definition of this trope, the cis ace and the trans allo may join the same polycule, or they may have a parent-child relationship, or simply have a lot of interaction with each other in the story. In the example list, I distinguish between stories which meet the strict definition and stories which meet the loose definition.

Linkspam: October 13th, 2017

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

David Jay writes about becoming a third parent.

adventures-in-asexuality wrote a response post to Queenie’s post about when they knew their gender and sexuality.

Ace Community Activity

The Asexual has released its third issue.

The Asexual Scholarship Stakeholders’ Survey is open to anyone who is interested in offering input on the future of the scholarship.

News & Outreach

Stacey talked to BBC News Magazine about her asexuality.

 

When did you know?

I have a friend who in the last few months has started questioning if they might be queer (although they’re still trying to figure out where exactly they might fall).  They’ve been talking to me about it a fair amount, for obvious reasons.  The other day, though, we were chatting and they asked, “When did you know?”

“Which part of it?” was my immediate reply.

“Any part of it.”

The thing is, this question should be pretty easy to answer.  I have a standard narrative that I use for activism work, of course–I got my first crush on a girl when I was 15, got a crush on a guy a little over a year later, learned that asexuality existed a little less than a year after that,* but didn’t start openly identifying as asexual until my twenties.

Reality is, predictably, a whole lot messier.

Question of the Week: October 10th, 2017.

What was your favourite ace 101 resource when learning about asexuality?

My early understanding of all things ace came from reading and participating in discussions on the AVEN forums. I like the idea of experiential learning, but it didn’t work for me in that case. I learned the basics and left the online ace community. It wasn’t until much later that I found 201 resources like this blog and only after did I wander back to re-read the 101 resources I wish I’d seen from the beginning. What about you? Were there any 101 resources you found really helpful or gave you that ‘a-hah’ moment?

Asexuality in Fandom linkspam

This is my own submission to the Carnival of Aces of October 2017: Asexuality in Fandom.

It was also cross-posted to my Tumblr.

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I won’t have much time to write a long piece for this month’s topic, but I can at least make a linkspam with the material others have posted before.

First, have some general meta on asexuality and the ace spectrum in fandom:

Ace Tropes: Sex Avoidant Allo

This is part of a series on tropes in fiction with ace characters. To link or follow this series, please use the “ace tropes” tag on this blog.

Impotency didn’t correlate strongly with a lack of desire. Though she hated to suggest it, she said, “You may not be aware, yet I have enchanted a peculiar sort of ring to aid older noblemen.”

“It is enough to possess your time and your high opinion. I savor your fears, few and precious.” He dared to wink at her then. “Sex is a childish pastime.”

Against all odds they were in near agreement. He had to be as amazed and nervous as she, wondering how so right a pairing could be probable.

– Dark Lord’s Wedding by A.E. Marling, Chapter 46 “I Have Seen Your Heart And It is Mine”

The conflict which most people consider to be implicit (and often is totally explicit) in allo/ace romance is sexual incompatibility between the ace character and the allo character. It is assumed that the ace partner will want less sex (or no sex at all), whereas the allo will want sex on a regular basis.

However, not all allo people want sex regularly, or even at all. Even people who experience sexual attraction may find that, when they run a cost/benefit analysis on sex, that the cost outweighs the benefits. This is true in real life, and it also happens in fiction. Sometimes, one of the benefits which factors into that cost/benefit analysis is ‘making this ace I love feel more comfortable’ but sometimes, even without an ace in the picture, they still prefer not to have sex.