Question of the Week: March 20th, 2018.

How do you tell the difference between a friend and a crush?

I once saw a post on facebook saying ‘that tingly feeling you get when you like someone is common sense leaving your body’.   I really like this definition because the only way I can really tell that I have a crush on someone is that I notice myself being kinda stupid around them.  Even then though, I don’t really think I treat crushes much differently to how I treat new friends. Either way, what I want is to get to hang out and talk and do fun things with them, so it all ends the same.

Can you describe what it feels like to have a crush?  Or a squish or other types of attraction? Are these things easy for you to differentiate?  How do you decide what to do about your shiny new feelings?

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Linkspam: March 16th, 2018

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

epochryphal writes about being ace and paper.

jotdancing writes about Allo queer/ace tension in asexual readings of history.

News & Outreach

A new study reports on the relationship between asexuality and PTSD diagnosis.

Calls for Participants/Submissions

Siggy is looking for panelists for an online atheist conference.


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Question of the Week: March 6th, 2018.

What sort of behaviors make you feel like a person is respectful or disrespectful of consent?

I am a huge consent nerd.  I consider consent important in all aspects of behaviour, not just when it comes to things like sex or touch.  
I think that looking at how people are in lighter situations can give you good information about how they will be later on.  One example of this is how people act in conversation.  Are they aware of when others speak up and try not to speak over them?  Do they notice if someone looks uncomfortable with a joke?  Do they get inappropriately defensive if someone calls them out for bad behaviour?

I also feel safer around people that code as aware of queer issues.  A good example of this is if someone asks me what my pronouns are.  I don’t present as particularly gender nonconforming, so what this says to me isn’t just ‘what pronouns do you want me to use’ but ‘I am someone that has a good level of awareness of queer issues and how to be considerate of others.’

How do you judge someone’s ability to be trusted with  consent?  What other signs do you use to work out what kind of person someone is?

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Author Interview: Laura Nowlin

“This Song is (Not) For You” is about three music loving teens and the way they manage their affection for each other.  This novel is notable for featuring both asexual and polyamorous rep, both of which are dramatically underrepresented in the YA scene.
Laura Nowlin is herself polyamorous, and chose to include an asexual character after being surprised that people would even question that asexuality was a real identity.

What inspired you to write this novel?  How much did it change along the way? 
My original plan had been to write a novel about polyamory and experimental music. Even though I had a personal experience with polyamory, I am a big believer in research. While researching polyamory, I came across an essay that said, “Like the asexual community, polyamory has had difficulty finding its place under the LGBT+ umbrella,” and I thought, “Wait, I can see why there’s an argument about polyamory but of course asexuality is a real sexuality!” I had just assumed everyone knew that there were asexual people; it seemed so obvious to me that such people existed. I started researching the asexuality community after that; I learned about the issues and discrimination faced by people who identified as Ace, and my mind was blown. I realised that the Ace community needed representation even more than the poly community and decided to incorporate asexuality into the character of Tom. Continue reading

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Linkspam: March 2nd, 2018

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

aceadmiral wrote about having a sexuality.

Claudie wrote about self-discovery as an aromantic writer.

demiandproud explores the relationship between her body, her demisexuality, and her relationship to God.

Asexual Community Activity

The ACES Scholarship Stakeholder’s Survey is open.

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Carnival of Aces: Mental Health

The Carnival of Aces for February has been posted on hurricane sophia.  The theme was “Mental Health“.  Please take a look!

The next Carnival of Aces is being hosted by From Fandom to Family: Sharing my many Thoughts.  The theme for March is “Physical Health and/or Our Bodies”.  Get your submissions in before the end of the month!

Note that the Carnival of Aces is hosted by volunteers.  If you would like to volunteer, please see the masterpost for instructions.

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Question of the Week: February 27th, 2018.

Have you ever used an online dating site? Why or why not? 

I’ve used OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, Veggie Date, and a few other online dating websites with varying levels of success. OkCupid seems the most ace friendly to me (you can choose asexuality as a sexual orientation and there are many ace-relevant questions you can answer to find a match). After dipping my toes in I tried the others to simply see more people, mixing it up between labeling myself as heterosexual, bisexual, and not applicable. There are certainly problems with online dating but I love the up front information it provides about a date. Not so closet racist? Needs to have sex before date six? Wants to go hunting? If I can’t go from friends to partner with someone I already know I can handle learning about them online.

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