Question of the Month: May 12th, 2020.

How do you feel when people flirt with you if it happens? 

I personally enjoy flirting and find it really fun, but only when I feel safe and like I can leave the situation if I want to. I rarely appreciate being hit on by strangers in public or online. It takes a specific amount of tact for someone’s flirting to seem harmless. I think my hesitation has more to do with being raised and perceived as female rather than being asexual, but I imagine being ace probably plays a role in how a lot of people would answer this question.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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5 Responses to Question of the Month: May 12th, 2020.

  1. Siggy says:

    I just saw someone on Twitter say it was bold to assume we notice flirting at all. X-)

    Contrary to the common story, I do in fact notice flirting. It’s happened enough that I recognize it.

    I don’t really care for the experience. It’s not so much that people are rude, as I feel like I am just going to disappoint them, albeit in a minor way. After I drop a hint, they tend to quietly disappear, presumably to hit on someone else.

    Most of the experiences I’m thinking about are in an m/m context, so I can’t speak to the gender dimension.

  2. Kathleen says:

    Personally, I really don’t appreciate sexual flirting if it’s from people who know me, if they don’t know me it can be nice for a short while, but very quickly I start to overthink it, then it becomes, well, not so nice. Non-sexual flirting, which I think is a thing, or it feels like a thing anyway, is always fun, but usually takes a sexual turn I by innated by them. And I think you’re right with being Ace influencing how someone answers this question, as that can influence how a person feels about intimacy, and related areas, like flirting. But as with the majority of relationship-based topics of thought there are probably multiple factors to how someone may answer this question not just them being Ace.

  3. Pingback: Question of the Month: May 12th, 2020. — The Asexual Agenda – Finding Kathleen

  4. Being flirted with makes me uncomfortable. I think I may have successfully with one person, and even when he did it, I was like, “Meh?”

  5. Jen says:

    I don’t pick up flirting. It usually registers as “Yay, this person is super nice!” or “OMG what a creep”. If I eventually figure it out, I try to make it known that I have a partner and am a monagamist so all they’re gonna get is friendship. I do feel especially excited when women flirt because I didn’t know I was queer for so long, and I think a part of me is making up for experiences I never got to have.

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