Question of the Month: November 19th, 2019.

How often do you think or talk about being ace? 

Is being ace a daily topic and always on your mind? Is it the primary frame of reference for your identity? Or is it one of many ways you understand yourself? Not so important? Changing over the years?

When I first came out as ace it was a big part of how I identified. Over the years asexuality has remained important to me, but I think about it less and less. I think this is because being nonbinary feels more pressing; people gender and misgender me daily. When I’m out in the dating world, I mention I’m asexual once and what it means to me and that’s kind of it. It’ll come up now and then randomly. If people have a problem with my sexual orientation or how I experience it I dump them or move on very quickly. It no longer bothers me as much as it used to. Maybe one day it will be a big deal one day again. These things can change.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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4 Responses to Question of the Month: November 19th, 2019.

  1. luvtheheaven says:

    I definitely think about and even often talk or write about being ace pretty much every day considering the blogs I follow and way I use social media, and how much of my volunteer work in my spare time is dedicated to being ace, as well as my hobbies/passion projects, and because of how many of my closest friends are people I met through my local ace meetup, and the fact that I’m in a mixed orientation dating relationship/partnership where I’m sex-averse and my partner is not… Etc etc. Being ace is extremely relevant to my day to day life in a way that is maybe more than some people might think is … Reasonable? But it’s where I’m currently at and idk how likely it is to change very drastically any time too soon. I do think a lot of it has to do with circumstance that yes when they change I might not be as all ace all the time though.

  2. Mela SN says:

    I don’t really talk about it (I’m not in a social position where I can), but I think about it often. Be it reflecting on stuff from when I was a teenager/college student & didn’t have a word for myself, thinking about how to best represent asexuality in any form in my creative work, or just dealing with online choads who target aces for lulz, it’s always kind of there in my mind.

  3. LJ Conrad says:

    Pretty much daily for me. My gender I was vaguely always aware of (the not-cis part anyway), but my sexuality was news to me until only a few years ago, so I feel it still very strongly. partly with regret over past actions and wasted time doing things that were meaningless due to confusion and peer pressure. And partly because I still don’t know quite what relationship I have with my housemate/best friend who may have been my QPR for 15 years but he still feels a bit weirded out by my sudden self realisation. It is mainly the QPR situation that makes me notice various issues against non-romantic serious relationships, often feeling discriminated against. Also starting to understand my reactions and feelings towards sex and romance within society and the media brings up my aro-aceness pretty much daily. Plus I like to sometimes just sit back and relax knowing that I finally figured myself out.

  4. Isabel says:

    haha sometimes it’s a daily, pressing thing I agonize over, questioning if I can even claim the label (even tho I have still without fail identified as ace for 4 years) and sometimes months will pass without thinking about it

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