How important is aesthetic attraction to you?
I once met another ace person in a chat group who said aesthetic attraction was very important to her. She described how attractive her most recent ex was in detail and I laughed because we had a similar type when it came to men: that guy who looks like marvel’s god of thunder or he lives at the gym. We gushed about guys and it felt like both a common growing up experience and yet also very different; it mattered how hot people were to us and it mattered that we were both asexual. It was really freeing to talk to her and not be ashamed of my stereotypical type.
I know many aces experience aesthetic attraction to varying degrees, so logically it must be important to some of us, and yet I often feel uncomfortable about valuing how someone looks and having a stereotypical type of person I find hot. I don’t think I have a lot of internalized ace-phobia, but it rears its head when it comes to aesthetic attraction and asks me: “well, what are you going to do with this person you find hot? What should it matter? You’re just being superficial.”
I’ve tried to go on dates with nice people I’m not aesthetically attracted to, but I don’t find unattractive, and the spark doesn’t build the same way it does when I’m out with someone I find hot. It’s all very meh and probably not fair to that person. I don’t know exactly why or how to explain it, but I just know aesthetic attraction matters to me. Maybe non-ace people would struggle to explain it too if they felt like they had to justify themselves.