Question of the Week: December 25th, 2018.

Do you like large family gatherings?

I am very lucky in that my family just do a very small christmas with my parents and two siblings.  Even the small breakfast with my parents two friends and my brothers girlfriends felt like an overwhelming number of people.

Do you like holiday parties, or are they full of people you’d rother avoid?

About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
This entry was posted in Question of the Week. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Question of the Week: December 25th, 2018.

  1. Satsuma says:

    My moms side of the family is entirely lovely, and they live much closer than my dads side so they’re who I see regularly

    My dad’s side definitely carries the awkwardness of expected intimacy with relative strangers, which is harder. None of them are horrible people or anything, so no horror stories, but it does tend to be stressful

  2. Rather avoid! I’ve never felt comfortable with too many people around due to the fact that I suffer anxiety and mutism since my childhood it’s true torture to me and I’m usually not able to eat or I sit there in silence hoping nobody will confront me and my behaviour. I wish I’d live in my own flat, but I cannot afford it… it’d be haven

  3. luvtheheaven says:

    I really like certain family gatherings. I love certain large groups of non-family community too. I’m VERY attached to my local “Freethinkers” community lately, and can’t stop attending a lot of ace meetups. Basically, family or not, I need a chance to talk to interesting people and to share about things that are interesting to me and to have people interested in my life in return. OR a chance to bond over playing a party style board game with people. Or something along those lines. These extended family members might be people I essentially have squishes on or a comfort deep lasting old “Friendship” with. That’s when these gatherings are at their best for me. My abusive mom hasn’t been invited to any family gatherings in over a decade (barring one funeral) and I’m certainly extremely grateful for that.

    But if the family members don’t really see the real me, ignore me, bully me, or otherwise make me uncomfortable then yeah I’d rather stay home lol. If I was hoping for bonding and don’t get it that’s really disheartening and disappointing. If we only talk about how annoying long commutes are and nothing else I might be overwhelmed with how boring and unpleasant the day is, like I was this Thanksgiving holiday.

    Honestly, as weird as it sounds, funerals have been some of my “favorite” family gatherings and they are quite large gatherings in some ways. I appreciate that emotions are heightened and everyone is… less small talk and more “real” there maybe. I appreciate the chance to have my grief acknowledged and validated. I kinda want that in my life all the time. My life is one traumatic event after another sometimes and it’s frustrating to be expected to sit there in a room of people who theoretically should care and not talk about it all.

    My aunt decided to postpone the big family Christmas celebration this year that she hosts until the Saturday afterward. She’s done this on a few other occasions too. So that was today. It was SO nice. My brother and first cousins and I got to chat pleasantly, play Exploding Kittens, I got to talk about my hopes to start up online dating again and hear about my cousin’s adventures as a now second year elementary school teacher – it was mellow and everyone was happy to see everyone else. We even bonded over a unique delicious meal choice on my aunt’s part this time, a build our own sandwiches buffet.

    • luvtheheaven says:

      And re: the start up online dating again thing, I was doing it in a VERY openly “I’m a sex-averse ace looking for a partner who is okay without kissing and sex and who wants to co-parent with me so I know I’ve got super specific needs and will be casting a VERY wide net” kinda way… Which is part of why it felt great to be free to just talk about that. With young women cousins (younger than me) who all just “get it” like great ace allies. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.