Question of the Week November 27th, 2018.

Do you feel being asexual has impacted your life in a positive or negative way?

I saw a link on twitter titled ‘Don’t say I’m lucky to be asexual’ (I couldn’t find it again for this post – please link in the comments if you know it!).

I know that there are challenges that asexual people, myself included, go through because of our orientation, but there are also things about it I really value.

I like that it has meant I choose my partners and friends for their values not sex appeal.  I like that it makes it easier to respect my partners limits because I’m not as influenced by my own desires.  I like the way it’s taught me to examine my connections with people, and the way I’ve gotten to know other people by talking about how attraction and relationships work for them.  I like not having my time taken up by dating and seeking out sexual encounters.  I like our kick arse colour scheme.

Do you see more value or detractions in how being asexual has influenced your life?


About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
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5 Responses to Question of the Week November 27th, 2018.

  1. Blue Ice-Tea says:

    For me, the difficulty in answering this question is that there are many facets to my asexuality, and they interact and affect me in different ways. There’s my demisexuality (which is a combination of asexuality and heterosexuality); my celibacy (voluntary and involuntary); and my platoniromanticism. My heterosexuality makes my celibacy harder, but my asexuality makes it easier. Conversely, my celibacy also makes my asexuality easier, although it makes my heterosexuality harder. It’s also possible that celibacy has made my life better, since I don’t have to deal with certain kinds of relationship issues.

    As for being platoniromantic… As I’ve written on my blog, being platoniromantic has definitely made my life difficult. On the other hand, I can’t really imagine being anything else. I can imagine being fully asexual or fully allosexual. But I can’t imagine being aromantic or alloromantic. And if I try, I don’t recognise myself any more.

    I guess being platoniromantic really is integral to my sense of identity, and even if it’s hard, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.

  2. elena says:

    Might the post you be referring to this one?:

    I don’t feel especially “lucky” to be asexual, but I also don’t feel unlucky… Honestly, I feel lucky to be able to recognize I am asexual, because the confusion and pain I went through during my teens, not being able to “like” anybody and forcing myself to feel it, is something I am very happy I am no longer living with. But I also feel unlucky because I do want a family in the future, and not being normative means it’s going to be even more difficult than I thought it would be.

  3. Carmilla DeWinter says:

    I could’t actually presume to answer that question. There’s been definite benefit in identifying as ace and joining the meet-ups and visibility efforts. My life is made so much richer that way. (Even if I’m sometimes looking at stuff and think: “Oh, yet another word plus flag colors. Huh.” Then later: “It’s so cool we can talk about this at all. Online! Modern times, yay!”)
    Being ace does come with a different look to other people: I do not sort them by sexual attractiveness. I don’t insult people based on that, either. (Westerners as a society tend to try to silence people, especially women, that way, I notice.)
    However, since I have literally no idea who I would be otherwise: I got no earthly idea.

  4. That Demi Mammoth says:

    I feel that my demisexuality has had impacts in both ways. It has helped me make friends with a lot of people I might well have not ever spoken to if I was hetero. I’ve also been judged and made to feel invalid because I don’t feel sexually attracted to people apart from very rare occasions.

  5. demiandproud says:

    I like feeling lucky, I hate being called lucky as demisexual. Especially since the comments are along the lines of “You’re so lucky you’re demisexual, you’ll only ever want to have sex with your True Love and never be tempted to cheat on them!” That’s not how that works and also, I believe love builds up out of acted-on attraction and it’s taken me years to figure out what I’m feeling and also, I am far more likely to fall in love and then never feel sexual attraction since potential for attraction isn’t actual attraction! Grrrrr.

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