If you could change anything about dating to make it easier, what would you change?
I love online dating but I wish I could change the speed of it. I usually tell people something like “I go slower than the average person sexually and romantically. I don’t have sex on date one or three or even six” and that partly works. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt sexually pressured, which is amazing, but the romantic speed is dizzying. No means no is a lot easier for people to understand when it comes to physical boundaries.
Before the first date or just after one date so many people send me good morning/good night texts, say they’ve stopped looking for other dates, want to Facetime Video or talk on the phone semi-regularly, and tell me they miss me. How can you miss someone after meeting them once? They appear in my life and expect constant contact. They remind me of Ezra Miller saying: “I’m trying to find queer beings who understand me as a queer being off the bat, who I make almost a familial connection with, and I feel like I’m married to them 25 lifetimes ago from the moment we meet.” What other people might see as some fantasy whirlwind romance steps all over my boundaries and feels a bizarre mixture of stifling and fake. Ezra must be looking for someone very different than me. The two men I was afraid would tell me “I love you” ghosted before date three. They burned strong and died out. I just want to go on like six dates or ten dates and then when it actually feels right, send that “good morning” text myself.