Question of the Week: September 25th, 2018.

Do you have ace friends? Do you want more? 

I used to have offline ace friends but recently noticed that I don’t anymore. We drifted apart for typical reasons and lost touch. Very little of our conversations were about asexuality. In retrospect it feels like a lost opportunity. Right now I only talk to aces online. I don’t notice it much because I have several queer friends and they are always up to talk about the many ways people experience sexuality (or don’t). One of my straight guy friends is an amazing listener and always up for hearing about how much I am repulsed by my dates. He finds it humorous and I find his interest strangely endearing. Even if I shared because I was frustrated I always leave our chats feeling like that’s just who I am and it’s okay. It would be nice though to have someone to talk to about an asexual experience and they respond, I get it.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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5 Responses to Question of the Week: September 25th, 2018.

  1. Rivers says:

    I’m pretty starved for queer friends altogether. I mainly just know people from the internet (not that I don’t count internet friends as friends, but I don’t have much personal internet connection/social media connection with people). However, the first week of college (it’s a conservative Christian college that I’m attending for other reasons than it’s conservativeness), I managed to bump into my first self-IDing ace person. She was wearing a pride bracelet, and we just so happen to have two classes together. It’s been a lot of fun. We have a lot in common even though we are in different places on the spectrum. Because of her, I’m hopeful of a queerer future.

  2. kaikiky says:

    I actually don’t have many friends at all (which is a good thing for me). I have my best friend, who is also ace-aro-agender; my mom, who is bi to some degree but doesn’t seem to think about sex/sexuality much at all because she’s been single for most of my life; my dad, who is very much heterosexual as far as I know; and then beyond that, I have a few people who I talk to and have some kind of personal connection with, but no so much that I would call them a friend. Maybe a buddy. I’m not a social person, so I prefer it that way, not having a lot of people that I’m close to. I think I actually like being mostly just someone who reads other aces’ and aros’ thoughts and experiences as a lurker and who writes about my own thoughts and experiences without having too much of a noticeable presence in the online community. I’m interested in asexuality as a subject, so I like reading what people write about it, but I’m too asocial to want to make friends—around *any* single subject ^^;;; But I definitely feel that same feeling of wanting to be able to talk about my experiences with someone and having their response be “omg yeah, same!” Thankfully my best friend is good for that haha.

  3. I recently doubled the number of ace people I know in real life – grand total of four! I’m not sure I can exactly say I’m friends with any of them yet, but I’m hoping friendship will happen! I’m also (finally) getting more involved in the queer community at my university, which makes me really happy.

  4. Satsuma says:

    In terms of offline ace friends: through high-school, all my friends were queer but I was the only ace person, since then I’ve had one minor acquaintance respond to someone mentioning I’m ace (its common knowledge, they weren’t outing me or anything) with ‘oh cool I’m demi’ but it doesn’t really feel like it counts. I meet ace people at pride every year, but it’s so hard to keep in touch, so besides reaffirming each others existence, they don’t really count either

    Online, for a long time I was a member of a number of small ace chat groups through kik, which were great, but tumblr’s neverending suckiness kinda scared me off participating in the wider community for a long while. I’m dipping my toes back in now though, through dreamwidth and non-tumblr ace blogs, mostly, so maybe that’ll result in some ace friendships, either online or off

  5. demiandproud says:

    Not really irl, the blog is a good outlet.

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