Question of the Week: August 7th, 2018.

Would you/have you talked to the media about asexuality?

I would be quite happy to share my own experiences of being asexual, and my understanding of the variety of asexual experiences, but I realise that not everyone would, and I’m curious the reasons others might not.

Are you uncomfortable because it’s a personal topic?ย  Are you worried it will end up misrepresented? Any and all thoughts welcome.



About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
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3 Responses to Question of the Week: August 7th, 2018.

  1. Sasha says:

    I wouldn’t talk about my experience in big media even if I was more certain about my labels, just because it’s too personal to me, and I would seriously worry about being misrepresented. I would give, like, an asexuality 101 interview, if they let me proofread it before publication. But no personal info about my own labels.

  2. Carmilla DeWinter says:

    I’ve talked about my experiences multiple times, actually, twice in front of a camera. On the one hand, yeah, it’s important to share stories and make us look real and approachable. On the other hand: It gets dull fast to always repeat stories about your teenage years and fielding questions about your sexual experiences – I categorically refuse to answer in detail, because I find society too interested in (and often policing) the sexual exploits of women. When answering questions about my personal experience so often, it sometimes feels like being questioned whether you get access to the “actual human being” club or have to keep out. Also, it begs the question why the fact of my existence is so interesting, as opposed to the fact that people refuse to belive I exist.

  3. luvtheheaven says:

    I did speak to a newspaper a little over two years ago, for an article that was called “LGBT-who? Decoding the ever-changing acronym” so… Asexuality got a pretty minimal spot, aromanticism even less of one.

    The Washington Post journalist reached out to AVEN for a local Washington DC area ace to interview, who put them in touch with the lead organizers of Asexuals of the Mid-Atlantic, who… asked me if I might be interested in doing a phone interview that would start in just two hours. Yeah. Short notice. (Also I was unemployed at the time and free, just hanging at home…)

    I didn’t want asexuality not represented at all, or represented more poorly because someone even less equipped to represent our entire community than me was the person interviewed instead. I decided, although nervous, to do it since by then I was pretty good at talking about being ace, having years of experience explaining it to people in ace meetups and to random non-queer people at atheist or secular/philosophy based meetups too.

    I was very worried about ending up misrepresented but I did it anyway. Ahead of time, I looked up the reporter interviewing me, and he is openly bisexual so I maybe expected too much of him. I was under the impression he’d email me if he had any questions after our phone call and maybe I could see what he was writing before he published it. That didn’t happen. He didn’t even have the courtesy to send me a link once it was online. My local ace community found the article for me.

    I had mentioned how I was going to attend the pride parade as a spectator with my queerplatonic partner and he didn’t ask me what queerplatonic was, just omitted that from the article and instead quoted me and then made their own inferences about if I date:

    “‘I basically consider myself aromantic and asexual,’ meaning she has no desire to date or be physical.”

    This was weirder on a personal level, with people who knew I was kinda “dating” right then reading that linked to my name, rather than on a representation level, as the meat of everything I said was erased and distilled into an easy to understand thing about ‘desire’ and behaviors.

    For an article focused on all of the long extended acronym, it included as much as I could probably hope for about asexuality and could’ve been a lot worse. I would probably do it again, and I don’t know that I would even be able to do much differently.

    It was a bit disappointing that one time but still. I don’t regret doing it.

    I’m planning to maybe talk to a media outlet about my new asexuality & fandom podcast, since someone who seemed like a journalist asked me about it before it launched. We’re still working out kinks with getting it on iTunes first but I’m happy to talk about asexuality all sorts of places. I really am passionate about spreading awareness and am really open and out at this point in my life, so I’m privileged enough to be able to.

    The most recent times Asexuals of the Mid-Atlantic were asking for aces to interview for media stories, they were asking about #MeToo type stuff or aces on dating sites & apps, things I didn’t have the appropriate experience to respond to. (I have since started online dating but I hadn’t when that call for interviewees went out.)

    Before that in early 2017 Elle magazine was looking for an ace man since the only people they could find to interview were all women… They ended up with David Jay but David was trying to find someone else instead of him, since he’s been interviewed so often.

    But one of these days, it’ll probably happen for me again. I’ve already spoken as an asexual guest on three podcasts, even mentioned my asexuality on a fourth one on which I was a guest. Podcasts don’t feel the same as the media, but there are similarities, sure. ๐Ÿ™‚

    (The most recent one was a very tiny podcast, Being That Girlboss… The host asked us what Pride meant to us for one of her June 2018 episodes and as ‘luvtheheaven’ I shared my answer, alongside my Aceterpretations co-hosts’ answers too.) On a podcast like that, any editing was my own choice; the host just included all our words submitted to her.

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