Question of the Week: July 3rd, 2018.

Do you stay in touch with your exes?

Staying in touch with exes makes sense to me because I only date people that I consider my friend. Even if we don’t work out romantically or sexually I still value the friendship. I think I feel that way because the friendship before the relationship is so important to me. Genuine friendship is a prerequisite for my interest and because this sounds pretty demi I wonder if other aces feel the same about exes and friends. I was talking to an allo guy recently and he’s the exact opposite; his friendships with exes all formed after a sexual bond.

Even though in theory I’d be happy to stay in touch with my exes it hasn’t worked out that way. After two different breakups my exes and I were good friends for several months and then, without explanation, they cut me out of their lives and stopped responding to all texts. That kind of ending doesn’t make sense to me and I think because of how I view relationships and friends it never will.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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2 Responses to Question of the Week: July 3rd, 2018.

  1. Siggy says:

    No I don’t. Mostly because I just don’t make a special effort to stay in touch with friends in general. There’s one ex I stay in touch with, because he’s me and my partner’s best friend. And there was another guy I had a relationship with, who I talked with a few times afterwards, but I don’t even know where he’s living these days. Probably still around town.

  2. Patience says:

    I have only had one partner, but he was a friend before we went into a romantic relationship. When he broke up with me, I naively hoped that we could stay friends; because we have mutual friends we are bound to run into each other from time to time. Since he broke up with me however, I have realised how he treated me (not always very good) and hurt me (sometimes a lot) and today I’m quite sure that I will never see him as more than an acquaintance. We still see each other because of those mutual friends, but I make no effort to invite him when I plan something.

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