Question of the Week: May 8th, 2017.

What keeps you coming back to the ace community? 

For the past year or so my engagement with ace spaces has gone down. To be fair I’ve been less engaged in other spaces as well. Community is important but it can also be tiring; it feels like a process rather than a place for me. And yet I always find myself returning when I am reminded by allosexual people how much their words and experiences don’t suit me. Oh yes, I remember, there is a better place with different words I can use instead. This morning it was something as simple as a friend who I might date, probably won’t, sharing how turned on he was by me. It was polite, respectful, and confusing. Interestingly it is always allosexuals that keep me coming back. I forget our discontinuities until they’re in my face and I have an “asexual moment,” where I think to myself, “damn I’m so asexual.” Have you ever had one of those?

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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3 Responses to Question of the Week: May 8th, 2017.

  1. Rivers says:

    I’ve definitely had my fair share of “ace moments” where I’ve needed to dive into the ace community afterwards. It can just be so hard sometimes. A big one recently has been coworkers talking about all the guys they like and assuming I will want to join in or relate to stuff as if I were a straight woman.

    But I’m definitely not either.

  2. astarlia says:


    I don’t often super feel the need to seek out ace specific stuff bc my bubble of immediate friends and most people I came across are super aware and generally good, but when I stray too far out of that into super straight/hetronormative spaces I often feel super uncomfortable.

  3. Portia says:

    I always feel like my ‘aceness’ is a shock to sexuals, though they don’t seem to know what exactly it is that is making them uncomfortable. Sometimes their discomfort makes them get unpleasant, as if I am being rude somehow. With me, then they start poking around to see what it is about me that is ‘different’. I can laugh about it now, now that I have learned skills to exit the situation or divert them to some safe conversation. I do like to have this space to come to to relax, thank you very much!

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