Question of the Week: April 17th, 2018.

If you could send a message back in time to the earlier ace community, what would you say?

If I could change the way the ace community developed, it would be by introducing the idea of different levels of attraction way earlier.   There are still many people who have heard about asexuality but not aromanticism for example. I think that if at the time the ace community was starting to become more involved in the wider queer community there was a lot more discussion about the different types of attraction and this became more normalised, there would be many ace and aro folks that felt less othered today.

Do you have any advice or warnings for the early ace community?  Or positive messages you would like to share with them?

If you would rather answer this question to a different social group, I’m curious about those answers as well.

About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
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10 Responses to Question of the Week: April 17th, 2018.

  1. I would say, “We exist. The day will come when our numbers are taken seriously. Hold on.”

  2. Portia says:

    I have tried many “asexual” sites and blogs, and I have a question. Why is it that every time I go to an asexual site, there is constant talk about sex? Even at AVEN when I was there years ago, some Mods identified themselves as “sexuals” and chided people who talked about celibacy as though they were doing something dangerous. What is a “sexual” doing as a Mod at an asexual site anyway? As an asexual, I am looking for a place to go where I can get away from the culture’s obsession with sex–I am not defined by sexuality and am looking for a place where it’s not the topic constantly wrestled with and tortuously labeled. I don’t care if “sexuals” “get” me or not on an asexual site. It could be a place for anyone who may wonder if they are asexual to come and see if it resonates with them. Any suggestions, please?

    • astarlia says:

      I actually thought this was an answer to this weeks question when i got the notification 🙂

      I can totally see how asexual spaces would still have a lot of talk around sex because people DO still define so much of their sexuality around the lack of attraction, and especially since many ppl who realized they were ace later in life aren’t necessarily sex averse and those things take a while to figure out.

      Are you looking for suggestions of ace spaces where sex isn’t a dominating topic of conversation, or just general ones?

      • Portia says:

        Thanks, I guess I am looking for ace spaces where sex isn’t a dominating topic of conversation, since I am an older, plain vanilla ace who has hashed out any issues around orientation and attraction.

        • astarlia says:

          It sounds like what you are looking for is less ‘ace spaces’ and more ‘ace friends that also share your other interests’. I think discussion about asexuality is always going to be linked to discussions about sex and sexuality. I know a lot of in person ace meetups are focussing more on having more social/less discussion based events, and maybe this is something we could work on with our online communities as well 🙂

          • Portia says:

            That’s originally what I found an appealing motivation to visit ace sites, a place where I could feel comfortable exploring the world beyond into interesting topics. As a woman, and a neurodivergent also, pure discussion on an equal footing is hard to come by. LOL. I never expected the microscopic analysis of ace as a condition, TBH. I guess I thought of these sites as a room to go into where everyone else, like me, could shut the door and get some relief from the pressures. Thank you for your suggestions!

          • luvtheheaven says:

            Yeah try ACEapp maybe which is meant to be an ace social network and you can just talk to other aces about whatever topic you want, or go to in-person meetups themed around a specific activity that is neutral and not specific to asexuality, and then yeah you won’t find sex coming up, most likely?

  3. Portia says:

    thanks–you know, looking over my posts here in the last couple of days, I see where they may seem a little cold. I guess I might have sensory overload about the contrast between the definition of “asexual” and the myriad nuances that are being connected to that definition. Believe me, I am not indifferent to the pain and suffering I see here. I do hope that people will escape that suffering by resisting the boxes that are causing it in the first place, not trying to find new boxes. Cheers!

    • Portia says:

      I really meant ignoring the boxes that cause the suffering–that blows people’s minds, but it is a powerful thing! Use it sparingly and selectively to be safe, and have fun!

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