Question of the Week: December 19th, 2017.

How does your family react to you being ace? 

I came out a long time ago. I’m pretty sure my family members don’t completely get it (sometimes saying things that imply all aces are celibate), but in generally they’re very nice and supportive. I feel lucky that around the holidays I’m not concerned about my sexual orientation being an issue because I know this isn’t the case for many others.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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6 Responses to Question of the Week: December 19th, 2017.

  1. EF says:

    I came out to Facebook friends and straight up forgot about most of my family for the better part of a year

    I do think they’re “good for you, focused on your education” people and I’m not broaching the subject (of dating) if they don’t

  2. I’m only ~officially~ out as ace to my immediate family (but I’m not secretive about my FB activity on ace-related pages, so extended family may have seen that). As I remember, my mom had a few questions at first, but these days it rarely comes up. I just don’t get questions about my (nonexistent) dating life anymore!

  3. Mx. Whipstitch says:

    They were no where near as rude or condescending as when I told them I am child free and will not put up with their “community babysitting” crap. People are so ingrained with the idea females have to be baby making machines that the idea of asexuality and being child free is inconceivable to them. It doesn’t help that I am very blunt about my sexuality and lifestyle choice (child free). I tell them I won’t watch their kids nor listen to their petty relationship drama. They made the choice to have them or be with them. Not my problem.

  4. nihonhistory says:

    My family is pretty excepting as well. They all know, but Christmas is the first time I will actually see my aunt since I came out to her via email/phone. We have talked since than and she seems to be fine, so I hope it will be all right. My parents and brother have known for 2 years and are really cool with it. In the beginning my mum asked a lot of questions, but it was all right, it showed me she cared and wanted to understand me. My brother and father don’t really talk about it, but that’s fine by me too. I’m not sure my grandma really understands, she knows and at least gets that it makes relationships more difficult (I’m also greyromantic) and that it’s more unlikely that I’ll have kids. Since that’s true for me I haven’t bothered to in the ins and outs of being ace and having sex and children with her, it’s just to awkward a topic. So all in all I’m very lucky and grateful for the way they all reacted and worries about my sexuality are way down on my anxiety list for the holidays.

  5. Nowhere Girl says:

    I’m in a slightly untypical situation: long before I started identifying as ace (and I mean very long – from the age of 5), I was already declaring things which, without saying anything about sexuality (at the age of 5 I only had a very vague idea about what sex is), said the same about my plans for the future: that I don’t want to marry and don’t want to have children. I’m quite sure that nobody took it seriously at that point… but now it’s a different thing: 30 years have passed and I never changed my mind.
    While I had an opportunity to openly say that I’m ace only in front of some family members, all the closer family realizes that I’m not in any relationship and for-them-“probably” have never been in one… I don’t have any siblings, but I have cousins, all those in Warsaw are younger than me and, compared to them, my lifestyle definitely stands out. My family is generally indifferent: doesn’t touch this kind of issues, but also even if they wanted me to change my mind, after all these years they know that they don’t have any chance of persuading me, so they never try.

  6. Cracticus says:

    The first person in my family I came out to was my sister. That was when I misidentified as demisexual. Her response was “isn’t that normal?”. I’ve since referenced being asexual around her and as far I can tell, she doesn’t think it’s important. When I came out to my mum she tried to convince me I was wrong about my identity and that it was something else. That conversation ended with her advising me me not to come out to anyone (screw that!). I don’t know if my brother and my dad know and at this point I don’t care if they do. My brother’s the only immediate family member I’m on speaking terms with and I’m ok with being out to him. I’m not out to my extended family and the thought of being out to some of them is quite daunting as some of them are really conservative.

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