Question of the Week: November 28th, 2017.

How do you feel about secrets?

We’ve talked a little before about how for some people their asexuality is a secret, but the spate of recent sexual allegations of famous media personalities has me thinking more generally about the kind of secrets people keep.

I’m terrible at keeping secrets.  Mostly my own, but I’ve definitely been caught out by sharing something I didn’t realise was a secret. I process things by sharing information with other people, rather than keeping it all in my head, so I like to talk things through with the people in my life.  I’ve been lucky enough that the few times I’ve had to keep serious secrets for other people, they haven’t had to stay secret for long.

Have you ever had to keep something a secret?  Does it feel like a burden or do you prefer to keep things private anyway?


About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
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3 Responses to Question of the Week: November 28th, 2017.

  1. Mx. Whipstitch says:

    I don’t keep my grey-asexuality secret at all. It took me 3 decades to realize I am not a freak of nature and there are so many people like me out there. I do, however, keep secret (except online) that I am into BDSM, sex positive in a commited relationship when it is negotiated before hand and I am also pan-romantic/aesthetic. Those things tend to set people off because they 1) don’t understand asexuality is a spectrum and 2) can’t reconcile that all of those things don’t change the fact I don’t want to bring someone into my bed. Especially the BDSM aspect. Blows people’s minds.

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Ugh, well, speaking as someone who pretty much has a “secret identity” so to speak… yeah, secrets are a burden. I have to be pretty careful about keeping this side of me at least reasonably secret, because of all the deeply personal stuff that could get revealed by a casual google search if I don’t. It’s not exactly like I’m hiding any of these things, but at the same time, I have to do it to get by, because I definitely know people who’d use all of that against me if they got the chance.

    Consequently, I’m pretty careful about what I tell to others too. Especially because I’m kind of a beacon, and other people tend to approach me with similar very serious personal issues.

  3. Rivers says:

    Besides everything from my taste in music to my orientation and gender identity, I don’t keep a lot of secrets. Then again, that pretty much covers every single important thing about me. To some extent, I feel like my entire true self is stuffed in the closet to almost everyone. Especially with my immediate family. Not being able to be your full self (or even show just a fraction of your real self) around anyone is a burden even if you are a relatively private person. Then again, I’m used to it. I know that lying is generally wrong, but it’s something I have to do to keep myself safe. And I don’t feel bad about keeping secrets from people who would so obviously use them to bury me, I only wish that I didn’t have to.

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