Question of the Week: November 14th, 2017.

What does a positive response to coming out as asexual look like to you?

We hear about all the horrible things that people get asked when they come out as ace, but less about the good stories, or suggestions for how people should react when someone comes out to them.

As much as I don’t think Every Heart A Doorway is amazingly revolutionary for it’s ace rep, I really appreciate it for having a ‘yeah cool of course that’s normal’ absolutely no drama coming out scene.  I would like to see that modelled in more places.

Personally, I’d like people to be positive and curious when I come out to them.  I’d like to explain to them what being ace looks like for me, and how it affects the relationships I have in my life.

How would you like people to react when you come out to them?  Are their questions you would like them to ask or things you would like them to say?  Or would you prefer to not talk about it further and have them do their own homework?

About astarlia

Astarlia is proud of herself for only having volunteered for..... okay if you have to stop and count it's probably too many things isn't it? She is passionate about nerd culture, disability and mental health, alternative relationships, sexuality, and young adult fiction.
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4 Responses to Question of the Week: November 14th, 2017.

  1. abonnace says:

    I feel weird sometimes admitting this but I’ve strangely has very positive responses or weirdly “non” responses to coming out. I came out to a friend recently via messenger and he just sent me a thumbs up gif and said “um cool?” he didn’t ask me any questions or anything it was kind of like he didn’t know what to say to that?
    I’ve also had people ask me questions which i don’t mind answering, since usually they’ve been honestly curious about this thing they’ve never heard about before.
    To me a positive coming out experience would be a combination of the two, to have someone just be cool with it and maybe want to know more in a respectful way, because they want to understand you better. Ideally i hope to come to a point where i don’t have to explain anything and i can just say hey I’m asexual and they will know what that means and it wont be a big deal.

  2. DasTenna says:

    The best coming out I ever experienced – and I experienced mostly positive reactions – was with a friend who has some opinions on gay people that are worth being critizised (which I do – permanently). When I came out to him, he listened, let me do the explaining, and asked curious and polite questions. And when I finished, he said: “It´s difficult for me to imagine people not feeling sexually attracted, but that doesn´t mean they don´t exist.” I like him for his honesty.

  3. Rivers says:

    I have come out to relatively few people, so when I do, it’s usually pretty calculated on my part. I’ve only had one of those really blow up in my face (and it was because she had apparently missed the memo despite me being out as ace for three months).

    I have a couple of positive stories though, and coming out to these people made me feel really free and happy and loved. The reaction I want often comes from how well I know the person. I personally prefer a supportive reaction as opposed to a non-reaction. Supportive reactions don’t have to be particularly drawn out or long either.

    Story One:

    The second time I ever came out to anybody, I decided to do it to my entire core friend group. I was asked to give input on something, I think it was the attractiveness of some actor or other in an argument (there was a little more to it, but I can’t remember), and so I told them that I didn’t really have an opinion on that because I was asexual. And with no further explanation they were just like “true that” and continued on with the debate. They didn’t even ask me what that meant because they already knew. Later on, they did end up asking a few things which included my romantic orientation (THEY KNEW TO ASK FOR/IF I HAD A ROMANTIC ORIENTATION), and they got really excited when I introduced the concept of a squish. This was pretty big considering how little most people know about this kind of thing, and even more so seeing as my friends and I mostly come from a very conservative homeschool community (I love being homeschooled and it saved my life, but it somewhat restricts the kind of people you are around).

    Story two:

    (Note: My best friend and I have always had a long distance relationship, which is why she was not part of my coming out to my core friend group)

    When I came out to my best friend, who is currently my squish, she hugged me and then kind of just held me for several minutes and just made sure I understood that she supported and loved me. And that was one of the best things ever coming from her. She didn’t know so much as some of my other friends did, but she’s always been 100% there for me and being my squish and all she knows a bit more about it then most people.

  4. Cracticus says:

    The sorts of responses I prefer are along the lines of “we thought so” or “that makes sense”. I’ve had some positive seeming responses that made me uncomfortable. Back when I thought I was demi I had one friend who keep telling me how sweet she thought it was. I didn’t know how to tell her I didn’t like her response.

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