Question of the Week: July 18th, 2017.

Are there any songs which you feel resonate with you as an ace?

I can’t think of any myself so I’m very curious about possible responses to this question. Songs that resonate most with me get me inspired to write, but are often based in feelings or dynamics I don’t experience myself.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is petuniaparty.tumblr.com
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13 Responses to Question of the Week: July 18th, 2017.

  1. Sennkestra says:

    I’ve always had a soft spot for “Half of My Heart” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2hlphf9sNo) for the themes of loving people in a different way than they love you (and in a way that you know may not prove enough for them), even though as a not-particularly-angsty aro ace that isn’t actually my exact situation.

    And of course, there’s always this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aByJG8GOR5E

    • luvtheheaven says:

      I always thought of “Half of My Heart” too!! (the original, not that cover) I mean every time I hear it I can’t help but feel like maybe the POV is an aromantic person who doesn’t know they’re aro… idk I have a lot of feelings around that song, in general lol. Even if I don’t relate. It doesn’t feel ace specific to me, more aro, though. I was so happy to see you mention that example though! It’s validating and exciting to not be the only one with that kind of song in mind haha.

    • luvtheheaven says:

      Another song that makes me think of the situation kinda like this is “Sorry” by Maria Mena, although this is the other partner’s point of view: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKNf3fgRi54 although this makes me think more of asexuality than aromanticism because to me kissing seems very sexual. In this song, the POV singer wonders “maybe if I kissed the way you do, you’d feel it too” but he just is sorry and doesn’t feel it back, she whispers, “why can’t you love me?” and… well maybe it’s just me? But I’ve had these thoughts.

      And your “Of Course” thing… Did you post this blog post: https://nextstepcake.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/asexual-the-echoes-c-1985-lyrics-transcript/ after or before this question of the week came up? It came up first in my emails , earlier, and I thought it was a really unlikely coincidence of timing but kinda awesome if it was really just a coincidence lol. But it probably was what, inspired by this Asexual Agenda post and my emails are just out of order? I don’t know. Anyway… I certainly never heard of that “Asexual” song.

  2. Maeve says:

    Oh No! by Marina and the Diamonds

  3. triplealens says:

    “What I Did for Love”–it’s from A Chorus Line and about love for one’s art, not romantic love.

  4. Tylerelyt says:

    White Bread Boyfriend by Neil Cicierega was really important to me as an aroace just after graduating high school, because it was all about how high school relationships were ephemeral and essentially obligatory, in a way that made me feel positive when I was figuring out that I didn’t want one.

    MIKA – Lollipop is a super upbeat and happy song about how love always gets you down. Like, I don’t know if other aroaces would connect with it on the same level I do, but at this point I can only interpret it as being a super positive song about how love is a thing that causes pain. Which really expresses how I feel about being aro, and part of why I think being aro is a positive force in my life.

  5. Rachel says:

    This is more aromantic than asexual specific, but I’ve always liked J. Geils Band’s “Love Stinks” as a tongue-in-cheek aro anthem.

    Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0LAs7X5ybE

  6. Seth says:

    I’m surprised no one’s mentioned the Simths’ “Pretty Girls Make Graves” yet. And on the aro side: “I’m Not in Love”, by Talking Heads.

  7. luvtheheaven says:

    “Already Gone” by Kelly Clarkson really really reminded me of my breaking up with my boyfriend in 2013 over me figuring out,over the course of our 3 month relationship, that I was asexual. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cboryk5cGCs More recently there has been a popular Sleeping at Last cover of the song (sadder maybe, softer anyway, a male cover): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KdGqpCGipL4 Idk why this seems different than why general break-up songs would work any romantic relationship, asexuality involved or not, but like. “You can’t make it feel right/When you know that it’s wrong” combined with “I want you to know you couldn’t have loved me better. But I want you to move on…” makes me think this relationship would’ve worked out if not for weird things not about either participant’s actions, that incompatible sexual orientations could be a good reason for the fact that they were meant to say goodbye, that it wouldn’t have mattered where they took the road because that part would never change, and idk, that seems something a lot of aces (not just me) have gone through in one way or another.

  8. luvtheheaven says:

    Other songs I’ve associated with asexuality/aromanticism feelings include:

    “Broken Strings” by James Morrison ft. Nelly Furtado, even though it’s all about a breakup and not being able to forgive and really doesn’t fit, I think the choruses often remind me of some aspects of literally not being able to feel some of the things allo people can. “You can’t feel anything that your heart don’t want to feel / I can’t tell something that ain’t real”, “It’s like chasing the very last train / When we both know it’s too late (too late)” kinda just evokes the feelings of trying to be or feeling pressured to be allo when aro/ace? Or maybe it’s just me… https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jamesmorrison/brokenstrings.html

    and also “Anna Begins” by Counting Crows definitely gave me major vibes in this direction, I felt like it reminded me of my queerplatonic partnership actually. The very first line is: “My friend assures me ‘it’s all or nothing’. I am not worried- I am not overly concerned”: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/countingcrows/annabegins.html – I like the idea of “no I can have a romantic relationship without sex” for the POV of this line or rather, keeping in mind the song as a whole, maybe “I can indeed have a committed partnership even if it’s not romantic,” that queerplatonic side of what I was feeling. “It does not bother me to say this isn’t love/Because if you don’t want to talk about it then it isn’t love/and I guess I’m going to have to live that/but, I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grayor something in between” makes me think of gray-aromanticism stuff, and later in the song “‘If it’s love’ she said,’then were gonna have to think about the consequences'” makes me think the two people in this relationship are having trouble classifying it haha. Or it’s very slowly evolving over time.

    I don’t know, that whole song expresses confusion and the complexities that can happen over time within a relationship, whether because you’re demi and it’s changing or other things that I think asexuality and/or aromanticisim could fit into.

  9. teenbutch says:

    “Somebody to Anybody” by Margaret Glaspy. Some people I’ve played it to think it’s sad, but I love it because it really resonates with me.

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