Question of the Week: February 14th 2017.

What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? 

Usually I don’t give much thought to Valentine’s Day. Whoever I’m dating and I decide to do something really small (cards and chocolate) or nothing at all. I got dumped last night though so I guess I’m unusually aware of the ‘holiday’ today. I’ve heard there’s usually discount chocolate tomorrow so I’m just waiting out for that.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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11 Responses to Question of the Week: February 14th 2017.

  1. luvtheheaven says:

    I’m so sorry to hear you were broken up with so close to the holiday. I hear it’s a fairly common time of year for that. 😢 Yes enjoy the discount chocolate! It’s coming soon.

    This is my first time experiencing the holiday while in a relationship, albeit a long distance one. We sent each other candy and cards… but my partner hasn’t received the candy I sent yet and I, conversely, haven’t received a card. Oh well. Lol. I’m pretty sure the candy I sent is going on a ridiculous trip and won’t arrive till March. It’ll still taste good then. Whatever. 😆💖

    I thought the message in the card I picked out for my partner was perfect for our queerplatonic, possibly psuedo-romantic status but I’m not sure what my partner thought about that part of it. I picked out this “not just for lovers” Valentine’s card:

    After passing over some other gorgeous cards with messages I felt were not accurate, like “whenever I’m with you sparks fly” or whatnot lol.

    This is my fourth Valentine’s Day experienced while being very immersed in ace communities online, third Valentine’s being immersed in them offline. Many of these communities, especially offline, are dominated by aros who have strong feelings against the holiday and on tumblr seeing ace silly Valentines has become a thing I can expect and… Idk. I think I never have cared too much about this holiday and it still doesn’t faze me too much. I am a little freaked out when like, a few days ago a vidder friend of mine in one of my fandoms said making a sex-focused vid would be perfect to do in time for Valentine’s Day, like I forget sometimes just how much this holiday is a celebration of sex for some folks…. But idk. I personally like confronting the amatonormativity and all the monogamous, equating of sex as a huge part of romance, etc aspects of it still prevail unchecked in most parts of society. I enjoy having company with which to analyze the things. Idk.

    Now that I’m out of school and not even currently watching any TV shows set in schools, the holiday doesn’t really effect me unless I want it to? I guess.

    • luvtheheaven says:

      That being said, the holiday was brought up to me at work today twice, once with a company wide email and once by a co-worker asking if I’m going out tonight… And also asking another co-worker in front of me, and volunteering her own plans to stay in to take care of her sick daughter although she would’ve been going out otherwise with her husband… I didn’t realize at first that it was Valentine’s Day when she was asking me if I’m going out tonight so I was just like… No? It’s a Tuesday? Why are you asking that? Lol… But yeah maybe I can’t fully avoid it…

    • Rivers says:

      I just wanted to say that is an excellent card, and I applaud you. I just spammed my squish with ace memes all day, but I think I will try to make or get some kind of platonic card now for when I see her.

  2. TheOriginalPhoenix says:

    I’m lying low and avoiding any mention of Love at all costs.

  3. Siggy says:

    I want to buy some chocolate, but I’d have to somehow hide it from my boyfriend, who would eat it all. Oh, no, the chocolate is for me.

  4. dcbilliot says:

    Today I’m giving a speech on asexuality and misconceptions about Aces for the LGBT group at my old university. Gonna start in a few minutes!

  5. Writer Ace says:

    I’ve actually only spent two Valentine’s day in relationships (I think), one of which the person I was dating and I were living 13 hours away from each other and the other of which was five years ago when I was in high school, so it’s never been a huge thing for me. I honestly only remembered that today specifically was Valentine’s Day was because my roommate was making plans for her possible-boyfriend to come over. My boss brought in a giant Valentine’s Day spread of cupcakes, fruit, and cheese and crackers, so that was fun.

    The amatonormativity shtick that goes along with it doesn’t really bother me because my parents and the people I spend my time with don’t make a huge deal about it and I don’t spend a huge amount of time around other people or commercialized stuff, so I don’t have to deal with it that much. it’s a bit worse when I’m in a relationship, because romantic-y stuff (sometimes) bothers me, particularly other people doing romantic stuff for me, so it can be kind of iffy then.

  6. Rivers says:

    It sucks that you broke up so close to the holidays. Chocolate does help though. Today has been the first Valentine’s Day I have had with my squish (I’m aro/ace who is heavily repulsed on both counts), and I have to say it’s been very refreshing. I’ve always hated this holiday (except for the chocolate), but viewing it from a ‘not all love is romantic or sexual’ standpoint has allowed me to see it in a new light and I like it. It’s a great opportunity to play out in some of those less-than-traditional relationships. As an aro, I feel like this holiday could be revived to be more platonic all around. I’m kind of excited to see how I can mix it up and create my own Valentine’s experience with my squish. I’m debating on whether I should personally move the celebration day to tomorrow for future reference since all the chocolate will be discounted, and I’m thoroughly broke.

  7. Nowhere Girl says:

    I’ve never been in a relationship.
    However, a few years ago I bought a little heart on a stick, I decorated it with a red ribbon and the words “I love you, little ski jump” (it sounded much better in Polish anyway, because in Slavic languages diminutives are done just by derivation and not by adding words. In this case: skocznia –> skoczeńka, the whole phrase: “Kocham Cię Skoczeńko”) and tied it to the gate of the ski jumping hill in Warsaw. Unfortunately, this facility no longer exists – it was closed down already in the 1990s and torn down in 2010. Poland has no more ski jumping hills outside its southernmost, mountainous part.
    I think that facility keepers even kept my valentine. :))
    However, I admit that when it comes to ski jumping hills, I’m a 100% polyamorist. 😉 I love all ski jumping hills and want to visit them all.

  8. Sennkestra says:

    I made a ridiculous amount of homemade fudge that was distributed to coworkers and friends (don’t ask how much sugar I used), then went home and joined my housemates and a couple other friends for a cheap pizza (thanks, t-mobile tuesday discounts!) and a video game playthrough party – we finally finished Resident Evil 7, which we’ve been working on for a couple weeks. Another friend also made the group a concoction of chocolate chip cookie dough and oreos baked into brownies that was slightly horrifying but also pretty tasty.

    As someone who has never dated and likely never will, Valentine’s day has always been a food (or rather, chocolate) holiday for me more than a romance holiday – sort of like a spring Halloween. My family had giving everyone chocolate as a tradition going up, and so that’s never been something I’ve explicitly thought of as a “romantic partners only” thing.

    (I plan to follow it up by stocking up on even more sweets today if there are any good discounts at any of the stores near me)

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