Question of the Week: October 4th, 2016

Have you ever had a near miss, where you nearly realized you were asexual, but then didn’t?

There was that time I read Dinosaur Comics and totally forgot about the one comic about asexuality.  Also, I once read a blog post talking about how the author was simply never interested in anybody, and I related so hard to the post.  But the author never referred to asexuality, so I just filed it away in the back of my mind.

About Siggy

Siggy is an ace activist based in the U.S. He is gay gray-A, and has a Ph.D. in physics. He has another blog where he also talks about math, philosophy, godlessness, and social criticism. His other hobbies include board games and origami.
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6 Responses to Question of the Week: October 4th, 2016

  1. LH-Moth says:

    When I saw asexual used as an orientation and had to look up the definition, it seemed really obvious that this would be a thing, and I found myself wondering if maybe that kind of, possibly described me. Then I thought back to these two very vivid incidents where I clearly was feeling attraction towards two of my closest friends, and I decided that it couldn’t apply to me.

    A year later I came across the word demisexual and “Ooooh.”

  2. I watched the episode of House with the “ace” couple – it still makes me mad thinking about it. I remember watching it and relating a lot to what they were saying about asexuality, but when it turned out that they weren’t ace – the wife literally says something like, “a girl has needs” – I thought, oh right, what was I thinking, everyone wants sex…

    “A girl has needs”!!! I wish I could talk with the writer who wrote that and let them know how much suffering that one line caused me.

  3. Cracticus says:

    An ace friend of mine linked one of those “20 signs you might be asexual” articles that you see floating about. I fit all the descriptions. The thing that stopped me from realsing I was ace was there was one line about never being sexually attracted to anyone. Even though I recognised at the time that was something I never felt I thought because I had a libido it was something I would be able to feel. It was such a relief when I came across the term “demisexual” (which took me ages to realise was under the ace umbrella). I thought it had to be that. I wasn’t completely wrong, but I wasn’t completely right either. I now identify as grey-A or asexual under some of the lesser used definitions. It still annoys me when ace 101 materials either ignore the grey area or leave it in footnotes.

  4. Rachel says:

    Oh boy, yes. I first discovered asexuality in undergrad, and even checked out AVEN’s FAQ page. I thought to myself, “huh, that’s interesting.” It made sense that if bisexuality existed, then it made sense for asexuality to exist to. But for some reason, it never clicked as relevant to me. Then four or so years later grad school came along, and out of nowhere I looked up asexuality again. Then my eyes were opened. I’m still baffled that I didn’t put two and two together the first time.

  5. Sennkestra says:

    Not really a near miss, but I actually identified as asexual years before I found asexuality….but only as a joke. It was quite obvious that I wasn’t into anyone (even if it wasn’t yet clear why), and I used to joke that I would reproduce asexually by like, budding or mitosis or something. I always wonder what would have happened if I had googled the term then instead of just treating it as an inside joke.

  6. I had never heard of asexuality until I attended a workshop on celibacy for my religious formation, and finally realized I’m not weird or odd, I just have a different sexual orientation then others. I hope that in the future more asexuals are accepted in religious life because when I had to take the psychological to enter I was made to feel like there was something wrong with me, and that I must be broken to have no sexual desire to a man. I was forced to admit to being something I am not just to be able to follow God’s call, and now I think back I realize how unfair that was, and I was discriminated against for not having sexual attraction, and was even told there would have been a huge problem if I did not admit to having sexual desire. I remember crying and being so upset that something was wrong with me, but now I know there is nothing wrong with me, and I won’t allow anyone ever again to make me feel that I am less than a person because I am a heteromantic instead of a heterosexual. I will keep praying for all of those that are not accepted into religious orders due to discrimination and being misunderstood and those of us that were made to feel like something was wrong with us unless we have an “acceptable” answer for our sexual orientation.

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