Question of the Week: July 27th, 2016

Do you keep in touch with old friends?

It happens in everybody’s life, when they graduate, move, or find a new job, and they leave friends behind.  Or perhaps, it’s the friends who leave you behind.

I rarely make any special effort to keep in touch with old friends, as I tend to think that new friends are just as good and easier to find.  Nonetheless, I sometimes meet up with old friends.  There was a group from undergrad who would hold board game nights for several years after we graduated.  There’s another group graduated from my current university doing the same thing.  There was the childhood friend who I met with several times after he ran into my mother.  I also enjoy chance run-ins.

Sometimes, awkwardly, some old friends put a lot more effort into it than I do.  I’m never really sure what to say about that.  I’ll meet people part way but I’m not going to force it.

About Siggy

Siggy is an ace activist based in the U.S. He is gay gray-A, and has a Ph.D. in physics. He has another blog where he also talks about math, philosophy, godlessness, and social criticism. His other hobbies include board games and origami.
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5 Responses to Question of the Week: July 27th, 2016

  1. Seth says:

    Sounds familiar. I graduated, others have moved away, and I rarely see old friends anymore. I make an effort for some people when we’re in the same area, but that doesn’t happen often. And since I’m working full time at a tiny company, meeting new people is no longer a thing that happens. If it weren’t for social media, I wouldn’t have friends at all at this point.

  2. paminam says:

    As you age you will find old friends irreplaceable. They went things with through no-one else can.

  3. luvtheheaven says:

    Now you make me feel like I might be putting too much effort into keeping some of my old friendships, haha. 😛 I don’t think I’m making anyone feel awkward? And I’m not the only one who’s tried to keep us together, but…

    It’s been since February 2015 since I saw most of the group of six of us who were friends in high school and have remained friends since, August 2014 since I think I saw the other one. I was invited to a baby shower that I couldn’t attend around March of this year but I think a few of the group members did make it. I love that we can all at least stay on the periphery of each other’s lives thanks to Facebook, and this coming Saturday I’m heading back to my hometown (a 1.5 hour drive) where one of these people still live and together the two of us will be attending the local Farm Fair. We invited the rest of the group but homes that need renovations, a new baby too young to be in the heat and the sun for that day, and people being out of town (one for grad school a few states away) means this coming weekend won’t work for them. I’m hoping as we all age – currently we’re 25/26 – but I’m hoping as we continue to grow into our adult lives, we can find a way to remain somewhat close, to see each other every few years, to continue to be somewhat up to date on the happenings in each other’s lives.

    I enjoy my old friendships immensely, at this point they feel like family to me in some ways, the good parts of my extended family, the cousins I don’t see even as often as these friends I have a somewhat similar feel of familiarity and happiness around… and I think with the internet, and with the ease of texting, and with how comfortable I’ve been in general with online-ONLY type friendships and with being long distance from my family the 4 years I went to college… I don’t know. 😉 For me even as I enjoy my new friendships, I really love these old friends, and really respect these people and feel loved by them in a way that is perhaps deeper than a lot of my new friendships. I don’t try to keep in touch with *all* of my old friends, I drifted apart from some forever in fact, and I guess if someone permanently moved far away it’d be a different beast than when they still sometimes travel back to the area for various reasons, or if they’re a reasonable daytrip to visit.

  4. Victrix says:

    The ones I keep in touh with are the ones I enjoy catching up with. I’ve let the ones go that became too much effort or didn’t enjoy the company as much with and tend to leave the ball in their court to do most of the organising.
    One of my high school friends I only caught up with every few months for a while but now forms my main social interaction each week. Whilst my uni friends are now more of a professional friendship.

  5. I’m not too great a making friends, so I tend to keep the ones I have. While, I mean, I’m friendly with lots of people, it’s hard for me to find those I make deep connections with and I don’t consider something a true friendship until we have that kind of connection. Because of this I hold on to old friends.

    My longest friendship is 17 years and counting (I’m only 23) with the average friendships I have are with people I met at 15. The only new friend I have I met a year ago, but seeing as she knows all of my other friends and we just never happened to meet before then it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

    And maybe it makes day to day life a little tougher to have such a narrow definition of true friendship. But I’ve also got a group of about ten people who I’d do anything for who would also do anything for me, and that’s what matters at the end of the day.

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