Question of the Week: July 5th, 2016

Do you identify as just ace or do you also use other labels? If you use other labels, where do you use them?

Asexuality is probably the biggest part of my sexual orientation, but I also identify as queer, sex-favourable, and a questioning demiromantic. If I feel comfortable I mention my asexuality, queerness, and sex-favourable leanings all at the same time. All the experiences these labels convey flow into each other. Saying I’m just asexual never feels like enough.

My potential demiromanticism only comes up when I’m trying to explain to potential dates why a “friends first” feeling is important to me. Dating is a major place where my labels drastically change. I usually don’t mention my asexuality until I get to know someone. Too early and I’m worried they’ll filter me out because they don’t understand what I’m trying to convey when I use the word asexual. Almost everywhere else I’m asexual, whether you get what that means or not. On dating sites I usually indicate that I’m bisexual and pansexual because, to the uninformed, I think that signals that I’m open to all genders. I’ve mentioned this before and still haven’t made up my mind exactly how I feel about it.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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4 Responses to Question of the Week: July 5th, 2016

  1. epochryphal says:

    honestly i say “greyquoi” all the time, usually online, sometimes aloud in a sort of *flashes my complicated identity at u and moves quickly away* move

    it’s hard to bring up tho. and so hard to not feel like aaaaany word choice will be the wrong impression. i think i opt for “ace-ish” a lot? if they know i’m nb i often say “gay” bc that’s true and fun. categoriiiiiies.

  2. Writer Ace says:

    I tend to go by asexual to the people I’m out to IRL, and then online I go by either biromantic gray ace or bi or ace or queer depending on which is more useful to the conservation. I figured out the bi part (and I like bi with no suffix because 1 I feel like I’m telling the truth without people looking at me weird and 2 I’m still trying to figure out the romantic stuff) after the ace part, so I identify more with the ace part and am more likely to identify myself as ace.

  3. Sarah M says:

    I identify as queer as well as asexual. I’m still trying to figure out my romantic orientation, but I’m definitely attracted to people of any gender. Somewhere between a romantic and grey- or wtfromantic is the current state of things. If I’m identifying myself in an ace space I’ll just explain that.

    I’m out as queer (or “not straight”) pretty generally (recently made a Facebook post about it), but I’m not out as asexual at all.

    My orientation isn’t something that comes up in conversation much, and I don’t make much effort to bring up. Explaining the ways in which I’m attracted to people is more than I want to get into, and not really relevant, most of the time.

  4. Rachel says:

    Both as aromantic and asexual. I generally don’t separate them, in that if I’m gonna be out about one I’m gonna be out about the other. I’m also hetero-aesthetic, a word I made up (since us aces are always making up new words) to describe that I experience aesthetic attraction to men. Granted, I consider that a descriptor, not an identity, in the same way as saying that I have brown eyes is merely a descriptor.

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