Question of the Week: June 21st, 2016

How big is asexuality in your whole identity or sense of self?

Asexuality used to be one of the most prominent features of my identity; I thought about asexuality constantly and felt people really knew me if they knew that I was asexual (and what that meant to me). Then asexuality took a back seat to my agender identity when I came out to more people and started using gender neutral pronouns. I think being agender felt like such a big part of my identity because people might mistake my sexual orientation once or twice in a conversation, but they have the potential to mess my lack of gender up dozens of times while talking about any topic. Now I have entered this period of my life where my academic research swaps back and forth between the oppression of humans and animals and is just starting to tentatively stretch out to the non-animal. Probably in reflection of that my sense of self feels a lot like juggling between being agender, asexual, queer, vegan, and feminist; it feels like keeping one ball up in the air at a time rather than an integrated cohesive self (for now).

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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5 Responses to Question of the Week: June 21st, 2016

  1. lengray says:

    My asexuality (and aromanticism) is a pretty big part of my identity, but it’s mostly background noise. Like, since discovering my sexual orientation, I feel more comfortable being who I want to be and liking what I want to like without worrying about what others might think.

    That said, sometimes it jumps to the front of my identity, such as during Pride or when someone suggests that I’m repressing my ‘true’ sexuality.

    In every day life though? Not that crucial. There’s a lot of other things that make up who I am that are just as interesting and pertinent.

    • Rachel says:

      Pretty much exactly the same with me.

    • Carmilla DeWinter says:

      Same for me. At first, it was taking up a lot of my brainspace. Nowadays, I’m still doing visibility & education, sometimes I’m blogging, but in the end, it’s one thing among a bunch that are equally important.

  2. This is a great question!

    I find that my asexuality takes a bit of a backseat to my health issues. Being disabled affects literally everything I do all day long simply due to the fact that my pain is not just chronic, but constant.

    Being in that murky place between lith- and demiromantic definitely comes up a lot more frequently in day to day life than being ace, I have to say. I tend to get bored with people romantically before it even matters if I am attracted to them.

  3. Silvermoon says:

    It’s a really big part of my identity! It influences a lot of my everyday life- even just in how I feel after conversations with people I’m not out to (which, having recently moved cities, is most people).
    I also think about being ace a lot; although more recently other things I’m working out about myself have taken the forefront.

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