Question of the Week: May 10th 2016.

Are you an introvert or extrovert? Do you find yourself somewhere in the middle or are the terms meaningless to you? 

I’d be curious if there are any links between asexuality and introversion. If so, would that be influenced by the largest ace communities being online? While online communities are important because aces are geographically spread apart, maybe our online communities are also especially supportive for the introverted among us. Does the medium of community we use encourage introverted people to stick around and thus make them more likely to connect with an ace identity?

To be clear by introvert I mean a person who charges themselves by being alone and by extrovert I mean a person who charges themselves by being around others. For example, being an extrovert around lots of stimuli is like being a solar panel on a sunny day. As soon as I put that together I knew that I was an introvert. I recharge best in a bubble bath by myself, with the lights dimmed, but I also really like just being around people and not interacting with them (like working side by side at a coffee shop with a buddy).

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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16 Responses to Question of the Week: May 10th 2016.

  1. Yoonede says:

    I am definitely an introvert. Without a doubt. My greatest need is for alone time to recharge (my work life is extremely social.) but my greatest wish is more connection with other people. Makes for a challenging conflict.

  2. I am very strongly introverted.

    For awhile, I wondered if my social anxiety and introversion were why I wasn’t interested in dating or relationships, but I realized that I had no innate interest in them and wouldn’t want them even if I was an outgoing sort of person. However, it’s still hard sometimes to distinguish between my sex aversion (which can be triggered by people approaching me to flirt, etc) and my social anxiety.

  3. Hollis says:

    Hella ambiverted person here. I get massively out of whack with too much socialization and too little, and my bipolar does have some influence on how much/little socialization I need or can handle depending on where I am mood-wise.

  4. Rynwin says:

    I’m an autistic extrovert, which in my case works out to a bizzaro-world version of introvert behavior – like an introvert, I need to retreat to recover from social interaction, but the reason is the exact opposite: in social situations my energy level revs up until I overload, and then I have to retreat to stare at a wall or watch something download or sort beads until the excess energy bleeds off.

  5. luvtheheaven says:

    I’m probably slightly more introverted than extroverted and maybe was much more introverted in the past, but I feel like an ambivert. I don’t really feel like I “need” time alone after socializing nor do I really “need” time with heavy stimulus of people after spending a really long time alone… 😛 I’m pretty able to find myself happy in either type of environment.

  6. halfthoughts says:

    I am an introvert with extrovert tendencies. I do need to be around people sometimes, but crowds overwhelm me and I much prefer small groups of people. I need alone time to recharge for sure. However, I much prefer in-person communication. Online communities are a bit foreign to me. I never got the hang of just meeting and chatting with strangers in chat rooms and what not. I still haven’t joined AVEN for that reason. I’ve only recently started to try to get involved in online communities. Maybe I like blogging so much because it is an introverted activity- whereas chat rooms are a bit more other people focused.

    • Talia says:

      I hadn’t thought of blogging vrs. chat rooms before. That’s a useful distinction and so perhaps it’s not that all online ace communities work with introversion, but that parts of them do work really well.

      I never got the hang of AVEN chat rooms either. I remember I tried them a few times and just watched people talk. I had no clue how to jump into the conversation in a way that I’d enjoy.

      • I think the biggest problem with chat rooms is that they are always dominated by a group of regulars who rarely talk about the topic that the room is supposedly for.

        You hop into one and try to talk about asexuality, and you get silence. But one of the regulars posts a random kitten meme, and the room erupts into 20 minutes of in-jokes. Very off-putting.

        If there were rooms that actually kept to the topic, that might be more accessible.

    • luvtheheaven says:

      AVEN has chat rooms?? (Lol I had no idea.)

  7. TreePeony says:

    Very introverted. I’m very close with my family, but when it comes to my deepest, darkest secrets (including my orientation), I’ve revealed them only to my sister — and that mostly because, at 13, she regards me as her idol and I don’t have to worry about her judging me. Once she’s older I doubt I’ll tell her anything much, either. I don’t have anyone I’d call a friend; mostly, I think, because my reluctance to open up to people offends them. (Though I can get along well with almost anyone: I think because I’m an introvert and so don’t enforce my personal opinions on people while I’m spending time together or working with them)

    Always, after being around others “too much” (I’m a med student; it’s impossible to get through the day without talking to literally dozens of people, both strangers and acquaintances), I find myself desperate for time alone; otherwise I feel incredibly stressed and on-edge, even the next day.

    But I don’t think it has anything to do with my orientation; I was an introvert since early childhood. My parents used to be worried about me since back when I was 3 or so, because I’d never tell them anything about my feelings. Now they’ve relaxed a bit, since they know I have a confidante in my sister 🙂

  8. butterflo says:

    Quite extroverted. I’m not talkative though, I just need high noise levels to recharge. I’d be exhausted if I spend too much time at quiet places..

  9. Elana says:

    For me it’s much more about who I’m with and how we’re interacting and much less about people in general. I can spend a long time with a few friends and I definitely need to see people regularly or I just get too inside my own head, but I find large groups, crowds, a lot of noise, forced interaction, and sometimes people I don’t know exhausting. I think I used to be more introverted, but I’m a bit less so now.

  10. I am very, very far to the introvert side of things. I find myself deeply uncomfortable in many social situations. I simply do not know how to interact with people, and this gets in the way of a lot of things I’d like to get done.

  11. lengray says:

    I’m in the middle, I think. I like having time to myself to recharge, but I also recharge by socializing. It all depends on my mood and what I feel like doing.

  12. Sarah M says:

    I’m definitely an introvert. Though, if I’m not careful, I spend too much time alone, and that does weird things to my mental state too. I don’t think it’s related to my asexuality in any other way than they’re both things that are part of who I am. If I imagine not being asexual (as much as that’s possible to imagine), I’m still an introvert. If I imagine not being an introvert… well, actually I’m not sure I can imagine that. Hmm.

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