Question of the Week: November 24th 2015

Do you think of your asexuality and gender as interrelated in any way? 

I don’t see any natural or obvious connections between my nongender and asexuality. It’s not as if one led to the other and they appear to function relatively independently. However, I’m definitely more likely to be open as agender and nonbinary in asexual spaces.

In the 2014 AVEN community census, similar to previous surveys, the results indicated that “asexual communities are largely female, with high numbers of nonbinary-identified individuals and low numbers of men.” The relatively large presence and visibility of nonbinary people has helped me feel a lot more comfortable openly identifying, which is a big deal for me because I’m (unfortunately) not out everywhere and to everyone. Furthermore, talking about nonbinary and asexual politics seems normal to me because a surprising number of us are both.

I wonder, how do women feel about being asexual in a space that is predominantly female? I know there is a lot of merit in creating women’s only spaces. Though certainly not the same, because the asexual community is open to everyone, I wonder if there are any similarities to be drawn.

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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2 Responses to Question of the Week: November 24th 2015

  1. Silvermoon says:

    Hmm, yeah, so I tentatively identify as agender, and I’ve wondered more than once if that is anyway related to my asexual identity.

  2. TreePeony says:

    I’ve never thought that asexuality and gender were connected, specifically. But then again I’m cis, so I’ve never seriously thought about gender at all. Though I have wondered why there often seem to be more people who ID as different genders from the male or female dichotomy in non-heterosexual spaces. Is it because, if one thing doesnt fit the heterosexual + heteroromantic norm, then other things tend to be different from as well, or is it because if you’re not heterosexual and heteroromantic, you tend to pay more attention to/are more ready to accept it when you don’t fit the 2 main genders? Or a combination of the two?

    As for whether I feel more comfortable being asexual (and aromantic) in female-dominated spaces… I feel more comfortable in female-dominated spaces, period, whether RL or online. Being what I am, there’s nothing a male who isn’t my father, grandfathers, or very close male relatives can offer me from a personal point of view, so maybe that’s why. I definitely feel more comfortable talking about my opinions regarding sex and romance to females as opposed to males, especially IRL. Online it doesn’t matter as much, because I don’t tend to engage in long personal conversations with anyone on the web, so just saying “I’m aro ace” and then never speaking about it again beyond a basic explanation or ignoring/blocking them if they try to harass me about it is easy. IRL that’s not really possible, so I tend to never talk to anyone about my orientation, whether male or female. But if one day I do reveal myself, it will be to my mother first, not my father. And we’re a very close-knit family, so I guess that says a lot about who I’m more comfortable with in that sense. That being said, I don’t plan to come out of the closet any time soon; the good thing about living in an ultra-conservative country is that nobody talks about sex in public, except maybe in the context of crude jokes now and again or to explain that they’re involved, so no-one can know what another person is/isn’t into unless they specifically ask. And nobody has asked me yet in an way I can’t just slip out of without giving a proper answer, luckily 🙂

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