Question of the Week: November 10th, 2015

What’s your opinion on the term ‘asexy?’ Do you use it or have a reason for why you don’t?

About Talia

Talia is an asexual, nonbinary, vegan-feminist that drinks a lot of coffee and stays up very late playing Blizzard video games and writing fiction. They are working on a PhD in Environmental Studies where they think a lot about oppression as intersectional and impacting identities differentially. Talia has a particular fondness for asexuality, fandom, and Critical Animal Studies. Their personal blog is
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27 Responses to Question of the Week: November 10th, 2015

  1. Jo says:

    I don’t use this term at all; to be honest, it makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I think this is because it still evokes the concept of ‘sexiness,’ which for me is very strongly associated with needing to appeal to someone else, in a sexual way. Both of those aspects are things I have tried quite hard to distance myself from, and I’m not really able to get past the association of asexy with sexy. I’d rather use different words – or more simply, just not need this sort of ‘concept of asexiness’ at all.

    • I feel the same way. I’ve never really liked it that much and it’s not something I use for myself.

    • Silvermoon says:

      I would say I’m the same.
      I could never use the word sexy to describe myself or someone else, and asexy is basically the same thing to me?
      I get that people use it as some kind of subversion thing, but I’d rather not describe myself with/use a word so based around sexual attraction.

      • Jo says:

        I think it comes from that mentality whereby everything that is good/awesome/desirable is described as ‘sexy’ to make it good/awesome/desirable. That automatic equation of sexiness with inherent goodness/desirability, especially in terms of marketing, and even things like the whole ‘consent it sexy’ slogan. It’s kind of irritating, and just reinforced the compulsory sexuality thing.

    • elainexe says:

      I also feel this way!

  2. Rynwin says:

    I like it. I think it’s cute. I tend to only use it in contexts that have more of a light or humorous tone though. It’s also one of the words I’ll drop to signal that the topic of conversation is heading in a direction that alienates me, without bringing down the tone.

  3. Midori Skies says:

    It’s not a word I use. I’m not sure how I would use it if I did, really. Maybe to describe cake? Honestly, ‘asexy’ seems like kind of a silly word to me. But, then again, the cake thing is silly, too, and I like the cake thing.

  4. Victrix says:

    Given how much I despise the use of sexy (cringes at memories of its use in accounting lectures) and that it really has been created in response to this I’m not a big fan of the word.

  5. Sciatrix says:

    Don’t use it. It’s way too cutesy for me and it just feels uncomfortable and kind of gross, to be honest.

  6. I only ever used it when I was being silly. I don’t use it anymore because I use the words “hot” or “sexy” when I’m being silly.

  7. Elizabeth says:

    I don’t use it either. I think I’ve used it maybe once or twice, but honestly it feels old-fashioned to me at this point. Like a stale joke. Any time when I’m being silly enough to use it… I just say “ace” instead.

    • Isaac says:

      Although I also think ‘asexy’ sounds old-fashioned, I wouldn’t say ‘ace’ instead, since for me ‘asexy’ meant “related to asexuality.” I used it in my tumblr url, isaac-asexy, but I wouldn’t use right now. Moreover, as its title reads, ‘asexy’ applies to the tumblelog, not to myself.

      • Elizabeth says:

        Ah, well for me, the only times when I would potentially say “asexy” would be like, “I’m too asexy for this” or something similar, so ace is a good substitute in that situation. Although I do enjoy the pun in URLs, since most people who aren’t ace would read it as “a sexy” instead.

  8. Hana Li says:

    I use it in a tongue-in-cheek manner because as a burlesque dancer, I’m supposed to sell sex on stage. However, I don’t see myself as sexy and my routines often challenge conventional notions so I sometimes use “asexy” to describe my brand of burlesque and to tie it in with being grey-a as a way to indicate that “sexy” does not have to equal “sexual”.

  9. kaleighaw17 says:

    I use it as a tag on my fandom tumblr blog when I’m describing a character that I love, just as a shorthand for saying “I’m asexual and this is the way I interpret my sense of attraction to this character” so while I know most everyone else would describe the character as “sexy”, since I don’t feel any sexual attraction to them it doesn’t make sense for me to call them sexy, but to me they’re more than just “hot” (which connotes mere physical appeal in my mind) and so I use “asexy” to mean that I find them attractive as a whole person but without the sexual attraction/desire. I like it because it’s so short and simple rather than having to take an entire sentence to explain the attraction I feel toward them, thus why it makes a good tag.

  10. queenieofaces says:

    I used to use it (mostly as a joke)…like three years ago…but at this point I don’t really, for a lot of the reasons people have already outlined.

  11. TreePeony says:

    Never. I haven’t the slightest desire to appear sexy to anyone, whether in an “asexual way” (whatever that’s supposed to mean!) or not. And I don’t use the term “(a)sexy” to describe anyone else, either. The fact that all but one letter of the term is used ad nauseam by the sexual society that’s the cause of most of my mental distress and anxiety makes me feel that this weird attempt to appropriate the term for the use of the asexual community is unsuccessful. But maybe it’s because I’m also sex-averse, celibate and aromantic that I see it this way; perhaps sex-favouring/indifferent aces will feel differently.

  12. I really have zero use for it, both because of issues with it being too close to “sexy” and because I have no idea what it would mean if it didn’t stand for some sort of cognate to sex appeal.

  13. Sennkestra says:

    I use it occasionally, but mostly for the punning potential with already ‘sexy’ phrases (Asexy and I know it, etc.). I don’t really use it much unless I’m directly swapping it out for a place where I might be saying “sexy” anyway, which is not that often. I don’t have any objection to it, it just sort of feels awkward to try and use it in any other way.

  14. luvtheheaven says:

    I don’t really get what the word means, which is why I never use it, but I think among asexuals it can be fun in the right context. The ways I’ve seen it used never made me think it was about sexual appeal at all. It does evoke the word “sexy” which makes me a bit uncomfortable but it mainly is a silly adjective where I’ve seen it used, an alternative for “Asexual spectrum” as an adjective sometimes. And I don’t mind it.

  15. Carmilla DeWinter says:

    Funny thing, I don’t use it much when writing English, but the joke’s yet to go stale in German, so I’ll employ it occasionally when trying to be silly or lighten the mood. Like “this is my asexy take on …”
    Being that I am an ace being considered sexy occsionally (and sometimes even on purpose), I’m actually quite comfortable with the term.

  16. I do not like it. At all.
    It actually gives me a weird, uneasy feeling. Whenever I see the pictures of a pride parade where people have “ASEXY” balloons or are doing some sort of chant involving the word, my first thought is always “I want nothing to do with that.”

    • luvtheheaven says:

      You know, I think in THAT kind of context, a pride parade, or anywhere where more non-Aces than asexual people will be seeing the term, I get uncomfortable with it too, because I wonder how it’s being (mis?)interpreted. I really don’t even fully feel comfortable with “Ace” unless there’s an attached explanation of what it means. I feel like in a lot of more public contexts, I wish people would just use “asexual” or “asexual spectrum”, and after that “ace” is better than “Asexy”.

  17. I have to say I’m enjoying this thread. All this time, I thought I was the only one who didn’t like the term and for the specific reasons that Jo mentioned. I’m not alone!

    • Talia says:

      I’m enjoying this thread too. I’m surprised people have such strong opinions. I also dislike the term for the reasons that Jo mentioned but purposely excluded what I thought to encourage a variety of opinions. It’s interesting to see such strong stances when, based on the mild popularity of the term, I’d have considered it something people in the community generally agreed with. Or maybe it’s just the context of our blog, where I don’t think we regularly use the word to begin with.

  18. Pingback: An Exploration of Not Wanting to Be Sexy, and of Never Feeling Sexy | From Fandom to Family: Sharing my many thoughts

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