Question of the Week: November 18th, 2014

So in the past couple of weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about labels, mostly because of the excellent discussions on how ace communities have historically viewed labels and why (see here and here for more context). The emphasis on viewing labels as tools is something I think of as very ace, and it’s also something that’s really near and dear to my heart. Which leads me to my question:

What aspect of ace community is most important to you? 

About Sciatrix

Sciatrix is an American graduate student studying ecology, evolution and behavior. She identifies as asexual and has mostly given up trying to sort out the whole romance thing for now. She has previously blogged about asexuality at Writing From Factor X. In her free time, she trains in canine agility and knits oddly cabled hats.
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8 Responses to Question of the Week: November 18th, 2014

  1. quirkybooks says:

    The understanding and support that I get from it.

  2. elainexe says:

    I like the intersectionality. I explore myself and learn about others.
    I also feel like, because asexual discourse is younger than for other aspects of my identity, I have more chance to contribute. I think this helps with my confidence.
    I guess that makes two important things, but I’m not sure I can pick just one.

  3. foxface says:

    Critical thinking about different kinds of relationships! Especially separating romantic attraction vs ambiguous longing, sexual attraction vs target-less sexual desire, and the prioritization of romantic-sexual relationships over other kinds. Most importantly, asexual theory permits me to fully commit to my friendships with all the importance I place on that love, as opposed to seeing them as a stopover between “alone” and “boyfriend.” It places platonic love on the same level as romantic and sexual love, which is important if either of the second two are unavailable to you for any reason.

    I think Dearlie’s song “For Me” sums it up: “Everybody loves a little different/Doesn’t mean I love you any less.” Just because I can’t be there for you in certain ways or at certain times, it doesn’t mean I love you any less.

  4. luvtheheaven says:

    I appreciate the asexual community SO MUCH and credit it’s existence for a good portion of my happiness and confidence in my life right now, because I feel pretty sure without it I’d be struggling, wondering what was wrong with me and feeling broken as I didn’t actually feel anything for any of the young men I’d be “finally” dating at this point in my life. I didn’t feel broken when I was inexperienced in high school and college. But as an adult, now, I feel sure I’d be doing things that would make my sex-averse and kissing-averse self unhappy if I didn’t have the knowledge that my experiences are valid and the encouragement I saw being given out from people in the ace community, from the very beginning of when I created an AVEN account, to feel okay in who you were, that it was okay if you were asexual, etc.

  5. maralaurey says:

    It depends on the day for me. Some days my favourite thing is as simple as knowing that there are other people who feel the way I do and being able to see them interact and joke and be proud of their identities. When I’m slightly less down-in-the-dumps, my favourite thing is the conversations that take place. I like introspection, and I like seeing how society affects (and is affected) by different things, and this community seems to be simply brilliant at using their personal experiences to look at the world differently and see kind of behind the curtains of some social constructs. It’s a great place to be to just philosophise, or try your hand at activism, or learn the real-world applications of your philosophising or activism. In short, it’s just a great place to talk, and great people to talk with.

  6. Victrix says:

    For me it’s the social aspect. The friends I’ve made from the offline meetup group now for a significant part of my social life and support network.

  7. GreyWanders says:

    I second what foxface said. Critical thinking about relationships etc. and teasing apart the variables that are usually glommed together.

  8. Right now, I’m particularly glad that this blog and other spaces allow me to write about things that I consider to be related to my asexuality but are technically not part of it, like aromanticism and sex aversion, as well as broader intersectional topics like being Muslim and asexual.

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