Question of the Week: July 15th, 2014

Recently, there’s been some discussion about the lack of discussion about ace relationships from aces who are in long-standing relationships.

If you want to be in some sort of committed relationship but aren’t currently in one, what kinds of discussion would you like to see? If you are in a relationship currently, is there anything that you think doesn’t get brought up enough?

About Sciatrix

Sciatrix is an American graduate student studying ecology, evolution and behavior. She identifies as asexual and has mostly given up trying to sort out the whole romance thing for now. She has previously blogged about asexuality at Writing From Factor X. In her free time, she trains in canine agility and knits oddly cabled hats.
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6 Responses to Question of the Week: July 15th, 2014

  1. Jo says:

    I am really interested in people’s answers to this. My partner and I have actually been planning a huge joint post type thing about our relationship, so mybe this will get us going a bit. 🙂

  2. salmelo says:

    To be honest I’m less interested in asexual relationships than I am aromantic ones, but since those do have a tendency to overlap somewhat (every major non-romantic relationship whose participants I know personally is also a non-sexual relationship, and from what I can tell that seems to be the norm,) I think mostly I just want to know that they actually do exist.
    As for specific details, what does it look like? Do you live together? Do you plan to do so in the future? Do (or can) either of you have other partners (platonic or otherwise?) If so is there anything that’s exclusive to this specific relationship?
    I just want to see all the different ways that these relationships can manifest. And while I can theorize about all the possibilities all I want, seeing real life examples of how they actually have manifested is much better.

  3. Siggy says:

    You know, I’ve been thinking about this for a day, and I still don’t know what sort of discussion I want to see about long-term relationships. Discussing relationships is a way to help people work through their problems. But I feel like I don’t have relationship problems I need help with.

    Maybe I can talk about stuff that would help other people, but I don’t know what other people would want.

    • Sciatrix says:

      That was in fact the motivation for asking this question. 😉 I also don’t currently have much in the way of relationship problems aside from the LDR thing, and we’re working on that. Unless someone wants to hear about immigration via marriage, I guess, but right now it’s really boring and mostly consists of waiting.

  4. GreyWanders says:

    What I’d like to see is some models of non-cohabitating adult friendships, particularly close friendships and queerplatonic relationships. The adults in my life don’t have close friends outside their respective couple-units, so I don’t have much of an idea of what intimate non-couple relationships can look like outside of the bubble of student life. I’ve had the kind of funny and kind of sad thought that maybe I should start watching sitcoms because that’s the only place I can think of to see examples of close adult relationships that aren’t traditionally romantic/sexual. Sitcoms: Probably not the best place to research how relationships work. So what I’d like to see is this: When you’re not a student, how do you integrate close friends into your life and keep them there in an important and intimate role?

  5. Liz says:

    I have been in a couple relationships before realizing I was asexual, but they both went nowhere after a few weeks. There was such a lack of feeling on my part that I don’t really think of myself as having been in a relationship. I’m questioning whether I may be aromantic, but it could have been due to other factors: just not that into them, confused by not feeling the sexual attraction I thought I was supposed to, etc.

    So from that starting space, I guess I’m mostly interested in the feelings aspect of relationships. Also, how the reality of relationships differs from allosexual relationships, and the media portrayal of relationships in general. I’ve spent so much time reading and watching stories about the typical allosexual love story that I think I unfortunately have come to think of it as a baseline from which other relationships differ.

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