Question of the week: June 10th, 2014

As asexual spectrum people, we sometimes hear comments that are hurtful, and sometimes we hear comments that are just bizarre.  Have you ever heard or received a bizarre response?

I thought it was strange when one of my relatives said asexuality was fine, but that gay people didn’t exist.  Somehow they got the stereotypes backwards.  Although this was only funny in retrospect…

About Siggy

Siggy is a physics grad student in the U.S. He is gay gray-A, and makes amateur attempts at asexual activism. His interests include godlessness, scientific skepticism, and math. While not working or blogging, he plays video and board games with his boyfriend, and folds colored squares.
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17 Responses to Question of the week: June 10th, 2014

  1. numbathyal says:

    “Oh yeah I’ve heard of that, it’s when your chromosomes aren’t right and you’re not XX or XY?”

  2. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but one time a guy told me “that just means you’re not an asshole”. At the time I was so confused I didn’t know how to respond, and I think I fumbled out something about attraction and behavior being different things. In retrospect, I think he was assuming all attraction is objectifying- which I then realized is a surprisingly common belief.

    • Jo says:

      Ah, I’ve had people do this sort of thing too – but if attraction is objectifying, then Wtf is it that makes people want to date people??

  3. Mxtrmeike13 says:

    When I explained to some girl that I was both trans and asexual, her responses (respectively) were “Well you’re very convincing” and “So have you ever had a girlfriend? Is it an open relationship?” Yeah, because my explanation of being demisexual didn’t answer that last question adequately… *eye roll*

  4. queenieofaces says:

    Probably the weirdest reaction I’ve gotten was a conversation where the person already knew I was a queer ace, had been told what that meant, and yet insisted on referring to me as gay (even after I corrected her) and referred to my past experiences dating men as “sexual experimentation” even after I told her that A. they weren’t and B. I was and still am (occasionally) romantically attracted to men. Second place goes to the person who told me “Oh, I’m sure you’ll grow into it” not in response to my being ace, but in response to my being attracted to more than one gender.

  5. salmelo says:

    When I told my psychiatrist about it she seemed to think I was talking about some kind of intersex? (Ambiguous sexuality or something like that is what she called it, but the way she described it I’m pretty sure she was talking about intersex…)

    • queenieofaces says:

      Oh, I got a weird response related to intersex as well…or really, someone assumed that I would be “more okay” dating intersex people than non-aces????

    • Sciatrix says:

      I had someone delicately ask me if I had no genitals upon outing myself once. Do other people not get this one? It definitely happened to me a couple of times in college.

      • queenieofaces says:

        I’ve gotten that. Also, “But does everything work…you know, DOWN THERE? *eyes crotch*” I think at this point I’ve gotten it enough times that it doesn’t register as a weird response to me anymore, which is probably worrying.

        • Cleander says:

          Oh man, also, every single variation on “But can you still, like, [insert awkward euphemism for masturbation here]?” It’s great because they always stumble over words trying to ask without actually saying the word “masturbate” so that you can totally tell what’s coming.

          Although, yeah, the fact that that seems normal now is a little….

  6. Carmilla DeWinter says:

    There was this one assumption at a pride info booth that made me go wtf: Obviously, asexuals have to have less inhibitions about being naked in the presence of the “other gender” than allosexuals. Right?
    Seriously, neither my two companions nor I did have an answer to that one because we just weren’t able to grasp the thought process behind it.

  7. luvtheheaven says:

    When I came out on Facebook, my grandmother was the first person to respond (really, one of the only people to respond) and she commented: “Are there support groups that you might join?”.

    Um… that felt like a pretty bizarre reaction to me.

  8. Jo says:

    I think the weirdest comments I’ve gotten are:

    1. ‘You know what your problem is? You look at people as sex objects. You’re just a pervert.’

    2. ‘You’ve probably just got some sort of Oedipus complex going on. You should read Freud.’

    3. From a comment on a tv feature on asexuality I was in: ‘OMG she is so cute! I want to get my nails done with her and help her with her shoe collection.’ (Which I don’t even have?)

  9. Sciatrix says:

    My favorite response is the time I outed myself to a drunken Marine and he told me I couldn’t be asexual because “he could smell my pheromones.” Ooookay, dude.

  10. Cleander says:

    Talking to someone on a [admittedly kink related] forum:

    “So since you’re asexual do you think you would be into like, being objectified and used as a sex slave with no thoughts about your pleasure?” (paraphrased)

    Umm……..no

  11. Pingback: Why You Should Care | The Asexual Agenda

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