Question of the Week: December 31st, 2014

I’ve been visiting my family for the holidays, and I recently let them know about one of my partners after some years of quietly avoiding talking about my social life with them. A few days ago, my sister asked me how my “relationship worked.” I initially assumed that she was talking about the long distance aspect of said relationship, but it turned out she was confused about how things worked because we were both asexual.

What about you? If your family knows you’re ace, do they find your relationships confusing?

About Sciatrix

Sciatrix is an American graduate student studying ecology, evolution and behavior. She identifies as asexual and has mostly given up trying to sort out the whole romance thing for now. She has previously blogged about asexuality at Writing From Factor X. In her free time, she trains in canine agility and knits oddly cabled hats.
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3 Responses to Question of the Week: December 31st, 2014

  1. queenieofaces says:

    My parents don’t know I’m ace (but the current plan is to come out to them this summer), and I’ve only ever been in relationships that I guess could look heterosexual from the outside, and yet they STILL find my relationships confusing. Apparently my mother to this day does not understand why I broke up with my first boyfriend (almost 5 years ago), despite the fact that he stalked me for three months afterwards and SHE KNEW ABOUT IT. (Maybe she conveniently forgot me being terrified for my life for three months? And forgot the part where I explicitly told her why I was breaking up with him [although I didn’t give her the worst details]?) My brother knows I’m ace, and is pretty chill about everything, so who knows if he actually understands my relationships or not.

  2. Effi says:

    My immediate reaction to this question was to pose it to my older sister, who is packing up her half of the room to go back to Panama. She started laughing (I was already laughing) and said yes. She’s my only family member who knows much about my relationships, and she’s the person that I generally tend to spill on about them. She’s also the only family member that I’ve explicitly come out to- I showed her (A)sexual over a year ago, and she read the HuffPost series on asexuality, among other things, so I rarely have to backtrack to the basics when sharing things. A typical quote from her is, “That sounds complicated but as usual it sounds like you have a good grasp on what’s going on and are thinking about it rationally.” I think she is overly confident in my grasp on relationships, but that’s much better than a lot of the alternatives, and I’m really glad that I can talk to her without judgment.

    The rest of my family doesn’t show much of an interest in whether or not I relationship, so I don’t tend to share with them. Both of my brothers are vaguely aware of what my relationship world looks like, but my parents would have to be super perceptive to know anything, and they really… aren’t. Which totally works for me! I suspect that if I ever felt a need to tell them I had a partner, they would be pretty mellow about it and not go poking for details.

  3. Jo says:

    My parents know I am ace, and in a non-sexual relationship, with differing opinions on it. My dad is very open and supportive, I can talk to him about my partner with no problems, and he is starting to understand more and more how my relationship is just as strong and important to me as any other. My mum is a bit more reserved – she accepts my asexuality and relationship, but I can tell she’s more confused about how exactly things work and worried that I’m going to get hurt (my partner has another partner as well) and miss out on having a relationship with one exclusive partner, so to speak. We’ve talked about it and I think she gets it a bit better, but underneath I think she’s still a bit unsure.

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