Oh the stars that you can earn!

The “gold star asexual” (or “unassailable asexual”) is a person who has just those qualities so that no one could possibly question that they are most definitely really asexual, and certainly not broken or in denial.  Many of us feel pressured to be that gold star asexual for purposes of activism, or if we fail to fit, we think we are unsuited to visibility work.

The idea of the “gold star asexual” was created by Sciatrix in 2010, borrowed from a different context.  It’s worth revisiting from time to time.  But I think we face pressure from multiple directions, to earn many different kinds of stars.

gold_star   The gold star: You do not resemble someone who is broken

I’m asexual, and I’ve never suffered from abuse, and had a perfect childhood.
No, asexuality is not a mental illness, I’ve never had such a thing.
Yes I checked my hormones, and they were normal.
The plumbing still works.

silver_starThe silver star: You have certain knowledge

I’ve had sex with dozens of people, so I know I don’t like it.
Well I’m 50 years old so I’ve had plenty of time to figure it out by now.

blue_starThe blue star: You conform to societal norms

I may be asexual, but I still fall in love.
Asexual doesn’t mean I’m genderless.

red_starThe red star: You are different from the norm

I’ve never so much as wanted a relationship.
I may not be strictly asexual, but I’m
effectively asexual 999.999% of the time.
I’m 25, a prime sexual age, but I still don’t want to get anywhere near sex.

rainbow_starThe rainbow star: You conform to subcultural norms

But I think any sex between consenting adults is just lovely.
Let me tell you my coming out story.

ballofgas_starThe giant ball of gas star: You conform to “the way things work”

The opposite of desire is indifference.
Since I was never interested in boys, I never cared for fashion or romantic films.

black_starThe black star: You conform to asexual community narratives

I don’t like sex for itself, but I like pleasing my partner.
But for other people, it’s really great!

purple_starThe purple star: You represent asexual demographics or asexual diversity

I hasten to add that most asexuals don’t have fantasies, so let’s not talk about mine.
We’re not all straight white cis women, I’m an Asian homoromantic guy.

About Siggy

Siggy is an ace activist based in the U.S. He is gay gray-A, and has a Ph.D. in physics. He has another blog where he also talks about math, philosophy, godlessness, and social criticism. His other hobbies include board games and origami.
This entry was posted in Sexual normativity. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Oh the stars that you can earn!

  1. Sara K. says:

    Hmmmm … I think I’ve got the red star (I am a 25 year old who intends to remain sexually abstinent long-term, I’ve never wanted to marry even in the abstract) and … maybe I have a gold star? I was not abused as a child, though I wouldn’t call my childhood ‘perfect’ (who, exactly, has a ‘perfect’ childhood anyway?) and I’ve never had a mental illness (but I do have Expressive Language Disorder, so I maybe I’m not a lily-white sparkly clean mentally-abled neurotypical) and I’ve never had my hormones checked. I guess I don’t get a gold star after all. I don’t think I get any other stars either…

  2. Ace says:

    Reblogged this on The Thinking Asexual and commented:
    This is a funny list of the different “stars” that you can be assigned as an asexual, based on the traits of your personal asexuality. It’s headed by the original Gold Star Asexual, otherwise known as the Unassailable Asexual, which is bullshitty concept imposed upon aces by sexual people looking to invalidate asexuality completely.
    Personally, I want a moon, for being “an asexual who gives no fucks what anyone, inside or outside of the ace community, thinks of my identity and way of life, and feels no need to qualify other aces’ levels of asexuality.”

  3. Pingback: Why you shouldn’t ask about my sex life on live TV: Tips for interviewing asexual and aromantic people | LGBTeen

  4. Dawen says:

    I think I get a half of a flaming-ball-of-gas star… It is true that I was never interested in boys, and it is true that I was never interested in fashion or romantic films, but it is not true that any one of them is at all related to the others.

    Also, I laughed at the description of the blue star – being an aroace who spends most of my time agender or very, very close.

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