Question of the Week: July 2nd, 2013

Welcome to this Tuesday’s Question of the Week! Please chip in and get some discussion happening.

I’ve just finished semester, which means study week, exams, and long study sessions. This semester I did a lot of that study at home, because it has been freezing (by Australian standards) and no-one thinks to insulate or heat houses in the majority of cities. My housemate was away for a week, and I really started to feel quite lonely after a while, being home alone so often. It brought up some thoughts I regularly have about how I envision my living situation in the future, because as an aromantic ace, the standard monogamous-couple framework doesn’t really apply.

What do you see your living situation like in five or ten years? A monogamous partner, living alone, sharing with other people? Something completely different?

I don’t know if I want to live completely on my own, because I do like companionship. A shared flat or house with a very good friend sound pretty much ideal for me, but I don’t know if anyone else will want the same arrangement. I wrote a little bit more about this here, if anyone interested.

About Jo

Jo is an ancient history honours student in Australia, with a particular interest in gender and sexuality in antiquity. In her free time she devours books, tea and Doctor Who, but is honestly not that into cake, and proudly calls herself a feminist and an activist. She identifies an an aromantic asexual a little bit more every day. Jo also blogs at A Life Unexamined on feminism and asexuality.
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17 Responses to Question of the Week: July 2nd, 2013

  1. I like having a roommate – usually – and if nothing else, it’s helpful from a financial standpoint. But I need enough space / alone time that I don’t think I would want to live with a romantic partner. Or, if I did, I would want my own bedroom!

  2. My ideal situation would be being nonromantic and probably nonsexual life partners with about 2-3 other adults, and somehow convincing the State it’s a good idea to give us some of their spare children. Either that or a massive polyaromous commune.

    Coming home from university to live with my parents, after living with friends and housemates for 3 years, is a small taste of how much I would hate to live alone. Even if the people I live with are just friends/acquaintances, I love living with other people.

    I’m investigating housing cooperatives, but living with someone you don’t know very well has risks, if they end up being really messy for instance, and there’s a sense that fairweather housemates might leave as soon as they get a Valid (romantic) Life Partnership.

  3. queenieofaces says:

    I’m currently living with 4 roommates, and I love it. I definitely want to keep living with other folks in the future (living alone is just kind of lonely), although I really like having my own space, so private bedroom is pretty much a must. Whether I’ll have a romantic partner to live with in five years is pretty much up in the air at this point, but I’d really like to have roommates at the very least.

    • Jo says:

      Wow, four roomates? I did that for a while and I found it terrible. Probably because I didn’t get any say in them and we really had nothing in common, but I don’t want to do that again. I am really enjoying living with only one close friend at the moment, I don’t think I could handle any more.

      • queenieofaces says:

        Ah, see, my roommates and I all went to college together and were part of the same program house. We’re actually…all extremely different people, but somehow we just mesh really well!

  4. Seth says:

    Standard monogamy wouldn’t work too well for me, either. Partly because it’s been years since I last experienced anything like limerence (and when I did, it wasn’t pleasant), and partly because I’m in favor of marriage disestablishment. I could see myself being happy in a committed relationship, but that hasn’t happened yet, nor will it in the foreseeable future. In any event, I definitely never want children. Living on my own or with roommates seems most likely. I could go either way, really, although financial concerns might tip the scales in favor of roommates. In the past, when living with roommates, I didn’t have a lot of interaction with them. I tend to keep to myself.

  5. Siggy says:

    I’m on a rather conventional relationship track. In five years, I hope to take advantage of a recent SCOTUS ruling and be legally married (yay!), sharing a place with just my partner.

  6. epochryphal says:

    Heh – I want a trans* house, preferably all non-binary folks, who are awesome about kink and ace and queer and multiple and otherkin identity (as well as race and gender of course), with the understanding that we want to serve as a temporary crash pad for folks who need to get on their feet; I want my own room; and I want my primary partner to be within a few blocks walking distance, or a few minutes’ drive at the absolute most (other partners could be fifteen minutes, an hour, or long-distance; a mix is good).

  7. ace-muslim says:

    I actually like living alone and expect to continue doing so for the foreseeable future. If I were to have a platonic partner and wanted to share living arrangements with them (something I may be open to, but there is nothing on the horizon) then it would just be me and them. Having my own space where I can withdraw and recharge is very important to me. I also like the freedom of being able to plan my days around my own needs and schedule. Aside from the unlikely platonic-partner scenario, the only reason I would consider sharing space with somebody is if I needed extra care or help in living. Big-time introvert and loner here!

  8. Colette says:

    Whenever I think of the future, I tend to see myself living either alone or with some roommates/friends. The only problem is that in five years I imagine that my friends will either not live where I live, be in romantic/sexual relationships and living with their partner, and/or not want to live with me. Fortunately, this is not an immediate problem and I have time to figure it out.

  9. Sara K. says:

    In about five years I expect to be living in the same building as my parents (though maybe not the same unit), and possibly other people (who could be roommates, friends, relatives, committed partners of some sort, etc.). My parents are also on board with this – in fact, this is also their preferred arrangement. Spending a couple years living in a society where living with your parents as an adult and after marriage is considered ‘good’ has erased any shame I might feel about ‘living with parents’.

    For now, though, I live on my own. I actually have less of an idea of my living arrangements for the next six months than for five years from not (I will probably move, and where I will move to will depend on how certain things play out).

  10. swankivy says:

    Interesting question. I’d prefer to continue living on my own, but I like having my closest friends near enough to me to visit when we want to. I’m 35 and I began living on my own at age 22 and I hope I never have to go back to a partnered or group living situation. I don’t get lonely–I get more attention than I want, actually–but I do wish more of the people I love were closer to me so we could see each other without making it a marathon.

  11. Victrix says:

    I’m currently considering all of these aspects but my main issue at the moment has been considering writing and hobby space (separate to each other) as it’s currently the main thing I lack for a lot of what I want to do. I both do and don’t want to live alone, as there are times I start to feel isolated and disconnected though that has happened even when living with other people. Really this comes down to how much effort I’m willing to put into socialising which I’ve been improving upon (distance is usually the biggest issue). Ultimately I think I would like to get a place of my own, set up with spaces for my hobbies, and a pet for company.

  12. Quinoa says:

    Yeah, I wouldn’t want to live alone either. Roommates or (especially) cooperative housing would be ideal. Right now, I’m in a college dorm, and I LOVE it. There is the problem of people moving out after becoming romantically involved, though, and that would be tough–someone should start cooperative housing for aces (or anyone, I guess) who don’t want to live alone but don’t want to live with romantic partners!

    I’m not sure if I want children–I might. That’s something that’s harder for aromantic aces (which I might be–I don’t know yet), but there are single parents. I wish it were more socially acceptable for several nonromantic people to raise children, as kind of a community–that would be ideal, I think.

  13. Effi says:

    Still in undergrad, but afterward I think I would enjoy living with roommates that I was good friends with, in a Queenie-like set-up. I think living alone would be pretty isolating for me- the longest I’ve lived alone is when I hosteled in Ottawa on my own for two weeks, other than that I’ve always been in some sort of family or community arrangement. Living with a partner figure might be tricky, though. I actually think that the medium-distance nature of the ~relationship I’m in (we visit each other every few weekends) has been helpful- I love seeing him but it’s good to have some space afterward. However, I’m sure there’s a big difference between the energy experience of “I am here to visit you for these two days, let’s make the most of it, what’s personal space?” and “We live in the same house, normal life goes on, and I have a room of my own.” So it’s hard to say. I’d be pretty surprised if I had a partner figure in five years, though, so that’s more of a though experiment than anything else.

  14. Eponine says:

    Currently living with one partner (though we’re not monogamous), so this is the most likely situation in the near future. But I could be fine with various options actually.
    I’ve never lived alone, but I think that’d be awesome. When I lived with roommates before, I didn’t talk much with them anyway. I’m good at enjoying myself and I love total freedom.
    I’m also open to living with my partner and other partners of either of us, if we all get along. Though it’s not very likely to add my other SOs into the picture, because I tend to have LDRs. 😛

  15. morethanx says:

    I love living with a cat, and I’ll probably keep doing that. IIt’s great to have complete freedom in what I do and when I do it. When I first moved out I wasn’t sure if I’d get lonely, but now the thought of living with someone else horrifies me a little bit.

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