Five Stories on Sex I no Longer Believe in

I’m asexual and sex-positive. And I’m not going to change my mind. I’m not sex-neutral, I’m not sex-negative : I’m sex-positive. I can’t put it more clearly. All consensual practices deserve equal respect and that’s all there is to it.

This being said, I’m also quite critical when it comes to sexuality. But that’s not contradictory, is it ? There’s in particular a certain number of stories about sexuality that I really can’t stand anymore.

Among those stories, I’ve chosen five. I’ve chosen them in the first place because that’s five stories I no longer believe in. I know we like to tell them, I know we like to hear them, but I don’t buy them anymore.

But that’s not the only reason. I’ve also chosen them because these five stories tend to prioritize sex (of the approved kind) above all other activities. They tend to make sex a requisite for living a human being’s life. They tend to make us think that sexuality is compulsory. And that’s not benign. It may even be dangerous. For asexual people, of course, but not only.

1st story

Sex is natural

Sex, like organic fruits, is natural. We’re all born with it. To possess genitals is the same thing as being programmed for (heterosexual) sex. It’s like sleeping and eating. It’s like running around naked in the grass. Because it’s natural, sex has never changed and will never change. There is therefore no reason to think too much about it. In a nutshell : nature recommends sexuality.

2nd story

To be is to be sexual

People who like sex live more fully and more vividly. They have blossomed, they’re open and complete. They know who they are. In fact, once you’ve understood your sex life, there’s really nothing more to know about yourself. You’ve passed the ultimate test of adequacy, you’re an adult. Unless you’re one of those idiots who is not sexual enough. In this case you really should reflect on yourself because there’s clearly a lot about you, that you don’t know about.

3rd story

Sex is freedom

To have sex is to be free. Sex is the true liberation. There is no rules in sex, you only need the courage to let go. You only need the courage to discover and embrace who you really are. As a matter of fact, that’s how you recognize a truly liberated person : this person wants more sex, more often and takes more pleasure in it. And if you’re not liberated enough : you really should try harder. In a word, truly free people are necessarily sexual.

4th story

Sex is health

Sex is some sort of universal medicine. Sexual (enough) people live longer, never get sick, and are always smiling like in a shampoo commercial. It’s because they know how to understand what their bodies want and the fact of the matter is : bodies want sex. Conversely, people who are not sexual (enough) are sick. They need to be shaken up really hard by a doctor or a psychiatrist until they get sex right. In a word : if you don’t like sex and don’t want to get fixed, you’re against health. And that’s just wrong.

5th story

No love without sex

When you’re in love with somebody, you have sex. That’s what’s natural, that’s what’s normal. If not, then you’re in an unhealthy relationship, a sexless relationship, a useless relationship. You should beware, because sex is the glue of romantic relationships and if you don’t fuck your partner often enough, this person will drop you on the side of the road like an old and weary dog. In a word : you may fuck if you don’t love, but you can’t love if you don’t fuck. Why? No clue whatsoever.

About Baptiste

I blog here or here and tweet here.
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5 Responses to Five Stories on Sex I no Longer Believe in

  1. Jo says:

    Hear hear! Those are definitely five stories that need to be critiqued and re-thought. Especially in regards to the last one: it seems that all relationships have the underlying idea that your relationship must progress so that you are eventually having sex – otherwise you’re doing it wrong.

  2. Calinlapin says:

    Thank you ! And I agree, there’s clearly some kind of ‘scripting’. In fact, this idea of script is a really useful one (i.e the notion that there is a certain number of predictable stages in sexual, romantic or intimate relationships). Rescripting sex, romance or intimacy seem to be a great part of what we aspire to do but we rarely use the word.

  3. Lara Landis says:

    I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m sex apathetic.

  4. Pingback: Asexuality and The Sexual Imperative : An Interview with Ela Przybylo (Part 1) | The Asexual Agenda

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