Question of the Week: February 9th, 2016

Are you ever bothered by music lyrics?

I recently had the misfortune of listening to the pop currently on the radio.  I think if I liked it, I would overlook the lyrics, but since I don’t like it, I can’t help but be critical.  I would say the thing that bothers me most is not the coy metaphors for sex, but rather, the straight male anxieties, particularly about dating.  Okay, straight men, I get it, you don’t want to appear sexist, and you’re insecure about your masculinity.  I don’t need to hear about it anymore.

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Linkspam: February 5th, 2016

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Community Activity

Aromantic Awareness Week will be February 15-21.

The Ace Gamers Network is hosting a Minecraft server.

News & Outreach

Cosmopolitan had an article about kinky asexuals.

BBC Raw featured a short documentary about asexuality. (warning: autoplay)

Calls for Participants/Submissions

The NWSA Asexuality Studies Interest Group has released a call for papers.

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Question of the Week: February 2nd, 2015.

What are terms or concepts from the ace community that people outside of it would find useful?

This question came to me as I continue to explore online BDSM and polyamory communities. I think that discussions of consent (especially enthusiastic consent), limits, and aftercare in BDSM and communication in polyamory would be of value to people outside of these contexts. Aftercare takes on a particular charge in a “risk aware” BDSM context. I’m curious how aftercare would look in everyday interactions void of BDSM, but where care remains essential.

In terms of the ace community I think the distinction/not-distinction between sexual and other forms of attraction and behaviour would be useful outside of our community. I’d be curious to see what unfolds in a space where it is equally possible for attraction and behaviour to be recognized as perfectly valid when linked or not linked. For example, what would it do to “gay porn” or “straight porn” when behaviours are no longer seen as the only indicators of sexual orientation? I’m thinking here of the bisexual, pansexual, queer, asexual, and other people, that get continually erased in behaviour = attraction = orientation models.

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Carnival of Aces: Relationship Stages

The Carnival of Aces for January has just been posted on Myscape.  The theme was “Relationship Stages“.  Please take a look!

The next Carnival of Aces is being hosted by It’s An Ace Thing.  The theme for February is “Platonic Attraction”.  Get your submissions in before the end of the month!

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Asexuality and the Relationship Escalator

Written for the January 2016 Carnival of Aces, on the theme of ‘relationship stages.’

One of the concepts that I often use or reference when writing about asexuality and relationships is the relationship escalator. It’s a concept that I’ve mainly seen explained in relation to polyamory, specifically in this post on SoloPoly and a follow-on book project on unconventional relationships. (I’ll be referencing these resources quite extensively in this post.) However, there doesn’t seem to be any comprehensive overview of the relationship escalator as it relates to asexuality.* This post is therefore intended as a resource which explains what the relationship escalator is, and how it intersects with asexual and ace-spectrum people. As such, it will be open for revision and addition – let me know if there’s anything you’d like to see added or changed.

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Posted in aromanticism, Articles, Modeling, Relationships, romantic orientation, Sexual normativity | Tagged , | 7 Comments

Linkspam: January 29th, 2016

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

aceadmiral wrote about ace representation in season 2 of Sirens.

Sara wrote about why she identifies as aromantic rather than wtf/quoiromantic.

Ace Community Activity

There will be a Dutch ace meet-up in Voorburg on February 13th.

News & Outreach

There’s a 10 minute documentary “Greysexual“. (warning: autoplay)

Calls for Participants/Submissions

A journalist from Marie Claire is looking for demisexual women to interview.


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Which expectations am I confounding?

This essay was written for the Carnival of Aces, which is this month themed on “relationship stages”.

There are strong cultural norms regarding the proper trajectory of a romantic relationship. In my mind, they start with initiation: one person asks the other person out. The couple has a few dates, and then they “go steady”, whatever that means. Eventually, they meet each other’s parents, they start living together, they get engaged, and get married.

Since these are cultural norms, you’d expect them to be everywhere. You’d expect to find lots of popular articles describing them as the way “all” relationships work. But when I recently searched “relationship stages”, I found something different.

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Posted in Articles, Relationships | 11 Comments