Question of the Week: October 6th, 2015

Do you ever worry about tribalism or in-group bias?

This is an off-the-wall question, inspired by some completely unrelated discussion.  You may identify tribalism in ace communities, but also feel free to talk about tribalism elsewhere.

I am not very worried about tribalism.  Maybe I’m just not a worrier.  If people in ace communities are biased towards other people in the same community, this is simultaneously breaking down pre-existing tribalistic barriers.  For instance, I like to hear perspectives from all over the world, rather than just the US as usual.

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Carnival of Aces: Living Asexuality

As always, I’m excited to share that the newest Carnival of Aces has been posted at A Life Unexamined.  The theme was “Living Asexuality”, which inspired many contributions.

The Carnival of Aces for October is being hosted by luvtheheaven, with the theme of “Aromanticism & the Aromantic spectrum”.  See the call for submissions for ideas and instructions!

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Linkspam: October 2nd, 2015

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Coyote wrote about “Victorian morality.”

Sara wrote about drinking alcohol and (a)sexuality and drinking tea and (a)sexuality.

Buzzfeed ran an article written by a demisexual.

Resources for Ace Survivors released an Asexuality Basics for Health Professionals printable info sheet.

Joseph de Lappe reported on several papers about asexuality presented at the Non-monogamies and Contemporary Intimacies Conference.

Sennkestra is looking for aces planning on attending Creating Change.

Arf is looking for translators for the Demisexuality Resource Center.

Mind Body Green ran an article about 10 things you should never say to someone who’s asexual.

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Ace Survivors as Rhetorical Devices (part one): Introduction

This series can be read on The Asexual Agenda, Resources for Ace Survivors, and Concept Awesome.

What’s the deal with this series?

This series is about the way ace survivors are used as rhetorical devices in ace communities.  I’ve already finished writing the series as of this posting–it’s 4 parts, and I’ll be posting a new part every 2 weeks until it’s complete.  This first post is just an introduction to explain what the deal with this series is.  In part 2 I discuss the use of ace survivors to win political arguments, in part 3 I discuss the creation of the One True Narrative of Sexual Violence Against Aces by ignoring or erasing the experiences of ace survivors who don’t fit the author’s political agenda, and in part 4 I offer suggestions for bloggers and activists who want to write/talk about ace survivors in a sensitive, non-exploitative manner.

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Living as a Sex-Favourable Asexual

This post was written for the September 2015 Carnival of Aces on “Living Asexuality.”

Writing about sex-favourable asexuality in AVEN’s journal AVENues was the first time I felt connected to the asexual community. I tell my friends about sex-favourable asexuality because when I tell them I’m asexual, I want them to understand how I live as asexual and what being asexual actually means for me. And yet, I so rarely explain what sex-favourable asexuality actually does mean for me.

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Question of the Week: September 29th, 2015.

In an imaginary future where everyone knows about asexuality, what would you want to be talking about?

Recently I’ve been reading about critical utopias and they’re sometimes described as places we can imagine to help us transform our present reality and not actual future societies that we’re trying to build right now. Siggy reminded me of this when he commented on the September 2015 panel discussion about asexual visibility, “I’d rather just act like people should already know. Let’s talk about gatekeeping, sexual violence, sex ed, navigating relationships, community building, and so forth. And let’s spend some time not doing activism at all, you know, just having fun.”

So what would you want to talk about?

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Living gay (and ace)

This post was written for the Carnival of Aces this month, which is about “Living Asexuality“.  Upon seeing the discussions about growing old single, I want to share my very different experience, about being able to blend in.

Recently, there was a very short documentary entitled “I’m Graysexual” (NSFW), featuring a man about my age, and using the same identity as I do: gay and greysexual.  He does nothing more than briefly explain his personal experience, which is somewhat different from my own, and as I said, it’s very short.

What was particularly significant to me was not what was said, but what was unsaid.  Specifically, the documentarian chose a stream of clips that imply close interaction with urban gay culture.  He walks around what appears to be West Hollywood (the gay neighborhood in Los Angeles).  He hangs out at gay nightclubs, watching go-go boys.  He looks quizzically at packaged dildos, racks of porn videos, Grindr.  This is all incredibly familiar to me.
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