Question of the Week: December 12th, 2017.

What do you think about Merriam-Webster putting asexual in the dictionary? 

I don’t super love the definition, I feel like it’s still so far down the list of acceptable definitions it’s still confusing and not amazingly validating. That said, I was still super happy when I heard and I really hope it catches on.

Posted in Question of the Week | 6 Comments

Carnival of Aces: Questioning, Exploration, and Mislabeling

The Carnival of Aces for November has been posted on WUT.  The theme was “Questioning, Exploration, and Mislabeling“.  Please take a look!

The next Carnival of Aces is being hosted by nerdingoverstuff.  The theme for December is “Alienation & Belonging”.  Get your submissions in before the end of the month!

Note that the Carnival of Aces is hosted by volunteers.  If you would like to volunteer, please see the masterpost for instructions.

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Linkspam: December 8th, 2017

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

Rowan wrote about dependence.

Ace Community Activity

aceadmiral compiled a list of anon ace fic recs and Queenie offered some of her own recs.

News & Outreach

The definition of “asexual” has been updated in the Merriam-Webster Dictionary to include the sexual orientation.

Calls for Participants/Submissions

Asexual Artists is looking for more interviewees.

Posted in Linkspam | 2 Comments

Question of the Week: December 5th, 2017.

Are you monogamous, polyamorous, nonmonogamous, polyfidelitous, or something else or in between? 

My first experience with polyamory was on AVEN almost ten years ago. I was dating an allosexual person and I remember a fellow ace on the forums told me that meant I had to be polyamorous or I was being unfair to my partner. The “had to be” really bothered me. If that conversation happened today I would recognize that this complete stranger was making a ton of normative assumptions about my partner and I’s boundaries, needs, and communication. How could I simply become polyamorous? Maybe they meant nonmonogamous, but still. Why did this stranger assume my partner wanted to be polyamorous or nonmonogamous? I’d never actively thought about monogamy or polyamory before, but suddenly I constructed a defensive identity around being monogamous. It was a sad small hurt identity that was content to huddle in my own corner and just be left alone by a bigger world I didn’t learn about. I didn’t even consciously think about this identity; it just was.

When I started informing myself about BDSM I was re-introduced to polyamory. There are many monogamous kinksters, but there are also many openly polyamorous, nonmonogamous, and polyfidelitous ones. I didn’t see any “had tos” and over time my defences slowly lowered. I learned about the very large world of dating and/or being with more than one person in consensual and respectful ways. I wish I had found that world sooner and not been defensive for so long.

Posted in Question of the Week, Relationships | Tagged | 26 Comments

Question of the Week: November 28th, 2017.

How do you feel about secrets?

We’ve talked a little before about how for some people their asexuality is a secret, but the spate of recent sexual allegations of famous media personalities has me thinking more generally about the kind of secrets people keep.

I’m terrible at keeping secrets.  Mostly my own, but I’ve definitely been caught out by sharing something I didn’t realise was a secret. I process things by sharing information with other people, rather than keeping it all in my head, so I like to talk things through with the people in my life.  I’ve been lucky enough that the few times I’ve had to keep serious secrets for other people, they haven’t had to stay secret for long.

Have you ever had to keep something a secret?  Does it feel like a burden or do you prefer to keep things private anyway?


Posted in personal experience, Question of the Week | Tagged | 3 Comments

Ace Tropes: Revised Ace

“I’m sure you’ve seen signs though. Animals naturally relax around you. Sometimes it almost feels like you know what they’re thinking. A longing to run free. One hell of a libido. Am I getting warm?”

Isis shifted her weight and Electra did the same. Neither sister noticed the other mirroring her movement. Well that’s just plain freaky, Jade thought as she repressed a shudder.

Sere from the Green by Lauren Jankowski, old edition, Chapter Five

“I’m sure you’ve seen signs though. Animals relax around you. Sometimes it almost feels like you know what they’re thinking. A longing to run free. One hell of a libido. Am I getting warm?”

“Wrong on the libido thing. I’m on the ace spectrum, been Gray-A my whole life,” Isis stated, crossing her arms over her chest. “Very, very low libido. Pretty much non-existent.”

Sere from the Green by Lauren Jankowski, new edition, Chapter Five

Sometimes, a writer will write a novel without explicit ace content, and then say that some character in the story is ace. Later on, they re-write the novel and make the character explicitly ace, whether it is merely on-page signs of their aceness or using words such as ‘ace’ or ‘asexual’. This is what I call a ‘revised ace’.
Continue reading

Posted in Articles, Media | Tagged | 13 Comments

Linkspam: November 24th, 2017

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

Michael Paramo asks what it means to have a gay male identity.

Swankivy wrote about dealing with other people’s relationships.

Ace Community Activity

aceadmiral is running an ace fic rec party.

Calls for Participants/Submissions

Asexual Artists is looking for more interviewees.

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