Why Are There So Many Terms – and Why I Am Finding Them Less Useful

This post is for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on “Nuance & Complexity.”

The ace community is known for making new terms to describe various nuances of being ace. One would have to be extremely dedicated to keep track of all of them.

I cannot tell you why other people want to make so many terms for so many nuances of sexual/romantic/etc. orientation. I can tell you that having words for so many nuances helped me become more comfortable with identifying as asexual back when I was not sure whether I was ‘really’ asexual.

I live in a culture which does not fully accept the possibility that people may be asexual, which causes nearly all aces to doubt their asexuality (hey, there was a whole carnival about that). When I was trying to sort out my (a)sexuality, I kept on thinking ‘I feel x, does that mean I am not asexual? I also feel y, so even if asexuals can feel x, maybe y means I am not asexual after all. And what about z?”

Linkspam: May 25th, 2018

Every Friday, we will share links to news, blogs, and anything else we find interesting.  We can’t catch everything, so you are invited to self-promote in the comments!

Ace Blogging

Brandon Taylor wrote about being queer and (sometimes) happily single.

jotdancing wrote about ace/aro tensions in asexual readings of history.

Christina Lang published an honors thesis on intimacy and desire through the lens of an aro-ace woman of color.

Ace Community Activity

The summer 2018 edition of AVENues has been released.

Being Bi/Ace, Part Two: Aesthetic Attraction and the Visual-Aural Gender Split

This post is for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on “Nuance & Complexity,” which I am hosting. Please check it out and consider submitting! Cross-posted to Prismatic Entanglements.

Last time I talked about how there’s a lot of extra scrutiny about attraction for both bi and ace people, which makes inhabiting that intersection difficult, and the misconceptions that become barriers to talking about it. Now I’m going to talk about some specific aspects of my own attraction and how it’s different enough from the norm that it usually goes unrecognized.

Question of the Week: May 22nd, 2018.

Do you have any pets? If so, what kinds? Or what pets would you want to have?

When I told a past professor I was going to be researching asexuality she told me she knows someone who might be asexual. Her reasons were the person was never in a relationship and had a lot of pets. My professor assumed she had pets to replace the companionship she’d get from a romantic and sexual relationship. I was surprised by the stereotype and haven’t heard it since, but it got me thinking about asexuality and pets. I assume aces have the same amount of pets as everyone else, but who knows? Take this as an excuse to brag about all the lovely nonhuman animal friends you cohabit with.

Right now I have an amazingly affectionate cat-sized chinchilla rabbit, a border collie/black lab dog (in my profile picture), and too many water snails to keep track of (they came along on some plants I bought for a water garden and they’re so soothing to watch and care for). In the past I’ve had more rabbits, birds, hermit crabs, fish, and cats. In the future I hope to adopt more herbivores. I’ve always wanted to have a small vegan sanctuary for rescued chickens, sheep, and/or cows. We’ll see if I get there 🙂

Being Bi/Ace, Part One: Scrutiny About Attraction and the Kinsey Scale

This post is for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on “Nuance & Complexity,” which I am hosting. Please check it out and consider submitting! Cross-posted to Prismatic Entanglements.

I have some frustrations with the way that attraction is discussed in the ace community, which are related to and further amplified by biphobia/bi erasure. This will be part one of at least two parts, because this is something that’s really complicated for me, and so difficult to talk about that it’s been sitting in my drafts folder for more than two years! So strap in, because it’s finally time to do this.

Looking for Asexual Agenda contributors

The Asexual Agenda is a blog written by ace-spectrum people, for ace-spectrum people, seeking to go beyond mainstream news and introductory educational materials. We talk about personal experiences, relationships, language, intersectionality, activism, media, and more. We also serve as a portal for the asexual blogging community.

We are now seeking new contributors!

What it involves:

Our writers have a lot of freedom to choose their own topics and frequency of blogging.  We do not impose any requirements on how often you must write.  There is a small amount of e-mail correspondence to take care of administrative details, discuss topics, and give each other constructive feedback.

You do not need experience with WordPress, as we will gladly teach you.

How to apply:

To apply, please e-mail us at asexualagenda@gmail.com by June 8th. Briefly (in ~100 words) tell us about yourself, and why you’d like to contribute. Also include a writing sample (300-1000 words) that you think could fit our blog.  If you need ideas for what to write about, try looking at the prompts from the last few Carnivals of Aces.

What we want to see is that you are self-motivated to seek topics, can correspond by e-mail, and can write effectively.

Also, if you know anyone else who might be interested, please share this with them!

Guest posts:

Many people have asked if they can write just one thing, without making a longterm commitment.  Yes!  We are open to hosting guest posts year round. Please e-mail asexualagenda@gmail.com.

Question of the Week: May 15th, 2018.

What relationship advice would you like to give to other people?

One of the most useful things that I’ve learnt about making friends is the value of telling people what you value about them.  This can be little things like ‘I had fun last night’ or ‘I really like the way you (x)’. I’ve found this has been a really good way to deepen some of my friendships, and to get good feedback about friends that value me in return.  

What advice would you like to give to other people?  This can be for friendships, romantic, professional, familial relationships, whatever.